6 STEPS TO PUT YOUR MARRIAGE BACK ON THE CALENDAR

Your calendar reveals a lot about what’s important to you. Is your marriage making the cut? 

It’s all too easy to put everything else on your calendar except your spouse. The kids have activities planned, you’re attending a small group, and someone you know has a wedding at the end of the month. 

All these things take up space on your calendar. There’s nothing wrong with filling up your calendar with events and responsibilities. However, if your spouse isn’t showing up on the calendar, you’re doing it wrong. 

Fortunately, there are six simple steps to help you reclaim control of your calendar and make your marriage a clear priority. 

How Your Calendar Affects Intimacy

Think about all the ways your calendar can strengthen or weaken The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® in your marriage. 

An out-of-control calendar leaves no time for your spouse. If every moment is for someone or something else, you’re leaving your closeness and connection (in other words, intimacy) up to chance. 

On the other hand, a calendar that sets aside time for the two of you to be together helps strengthen your marriage. 

Your calendar can affect your emotional intimacy, recreational intimacy, sexual intimacy, and more. 

Emotional intimacy builds when you have intentional conversations about your feelings, thoughts, and desires. These conversations require time. 

How about recreational intimacy? You need space on the calendar to spend time together having fun and creating new memories. 

Similarly, cracks will develop in your sexual intimacy if you never have time to be sexually intimate with each other—and not just quickies! 

6 Steps to Put Your Marriage on the Calendar

So how can you take back your calendar and make it strengthen your marriage instead of weakening it? There are six things you can start doing this week.  

1. Start Saying No

First and foremost, if you are saying yes to every opportunity, event, or responsibility that comes your way, you will have a hard time creating space on your calendar for your spouse. 

If the two of you are ready to take control of your calendar and prioritize your marriage, you both need to commit to being more selective of what you say yes to. 

What this looks like in your marriage is up to the two of you. 

You might need to have a conversation at the start of each month about what things you will allow on the calendar and what things you will decline. Perhaps when a new opportunity presents itself, you commit to talking with your spouse about it before accepting. 

Saying no to some things is a crucial first step in making sure you can always say yes to what truly matters: your marriage. 

2. Look at the Same Calendar

How often have you been surprised about a calendar appointment you didn’t know existed? 

Maybe your spouse agreed that you’d both attend an event and forgot to tell you. Or you thought you had a free evening together only to learn they had something else planned. 

A simple way to eliminate this confusion and frustration is to use a shared calendar. 

Again, find an approach that works best for you. 

Some couples prefer digital calendars they can edit from their phones. With a shared online calendar (such as Google Calendar or Apple Calendar), the two of you can access your schedule anytime, anywhere. 

Other couples might find that a physical calendar works best. Keep the calendar in a place you can see each day, such as your bedroom, the kitchen, or the back door. 

A shared calendar ensures accountability between the two of you. You’ll also minimize the possibility of surprise events or miscommunication. 

3. Schedule Sex

If you’re like most people, you might assume that scheduling sex takes the fun out of it. In reality, the intimacy lifestyle is a way to define what sexual intimacy will look like in your marriage. 

Scheduling sex is a proactive way to be intentional about your sexual intimacy. 

Discuss the frequency that you want to be having sex and how you will both take part in initiating sex. 

For example, you might decide that you want to have sex at least two times a week. One of you will initiate sex at least one time between Monday and Wednesday. The other will initiate sex at least one time between Thursday and Saturday. Sunday can be a potential bonus day. 

On your calendar, you might add your initials or a special color on the days when it’s your turn to initiate. These simple reminders can make scheduling sex work for you. 

4. Follow a Date Formula

Have you ever heard of the 2-2-2 rule? Lots of couples swear by it. 

Essentially, it stands for having a date night every two weeks, a weekend away every two months, and a week away every two years. 

Other couples follow the advice to go on a weekly coffee date, a monthly dinner date, and a yearly vacation. 

There’s even the 777 rule, which suggests a date every seven days, an overnight getaway every seven weeks, and a weeklong vacation every seven months. 

Whichever formula you want to follow (or create!), the key is to be consistent and intentional about your recreational intimacy. 

5. Schedule a Coffee Break 

In a business environment, it’s common for coworkers to request quick check-ins. Your work calendar might be full of 30-minute blocks so that you can connect with coworkers and communicate about ongoing projects. 

If you’d put a 30-minute conversation on your work calendar, why wouldn’t you do the same for your marriage? 

The Coffee Break is like a business meeting for your marriage where you discuss everything from love to logistics. It’s a time to connect with your spouse on a weekly basis for around 30 minutes and go over what is ahead for your week. 

This is one of the most practical ways to put your marriage back on the calendar! 

Pick a day that you’ll have a Coffee Break each week. Then, put it on the calendar. In doing so, you’re intentionally making time for your marriage instead of hoping that you can find the time during your busy week. 

6. Put Other Pillars of Intimacy on the Calendar

Finally, get creative about what things you put on your calendar that can strengthen any of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® in your marriage. 

For example, do you schedule weekly or monthly meetings to review your cash flow plan or budget? Put it on the calendar. 

How about a Bible study, church service, or time to pray together? Put it on the calendar to make it a priority for you both and hold yourselves accountable. 

The same goes for physical intimacy. If you want to schedule a weekend afternoon to give each other massages, put it on your calendar! 

Your calendar is your own. There are no rules for what you can or cannot put on your calendar. 

In fact, when you schedule these things, you’re more likely to follow through, which means your marriage reaps the benefits.