“For true success ask yourself these questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?” —James Allen


That’s not me.

It’s a pretty powerful statement when you stop to think about it. 

  • I don’t do cold weather, because that’s not me.
  • Over the years I’ve learned that I don’t kiss much, because that’s not me.
  • I’m not as affectionate, because that’s not me.
It’s also a limiting statement; by saying it, you are essentially putting a ceiling on what’s possible in your marriage.

That’s because when you label yourself in this way, you are taking an experience you did not want to have and are associating it with who you are. You are creating a limit, or a ceiling, you are not willing to move beyond.

Imagine what would be possible if you stopped taking on that identity in your marriage?

What if you instead gave yourself an opportunity to explore and see if this could be you?

The bigger question you might also ask yourself is why you are saying “that’s not me” in the first place. Why does it feel good for you to put a ceiling on where you could go or what you could do?

It could be something that’s been presented to you in the past is not letting you see the opportunities in front of you. It’s just easier to say “that’s not me” instead of exploring the why behind your limiting statement

In some cases, you may realize you are being influenced by past experiences that no longer need to have weight. If your past experiences are dictating your present circumstances, it’s time to explore what happened and why those circumstances are still present in your life. 

That’s because simply having a bad experience in the past, does not mean you’ll have the same experience now. 

It’s great to start by exploring the reasons behind thinking you won’t like it.  

When you reflect and accept that you may be limiting yourself, then you can begin to explore what you may have been missing!

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