617: NOTHING TO SAY

“Sometimes people have nothing to say because they are too empty and sometimes people have nothing to say because they are too full.”—Yasmin Mogahed

I have nothing to say… 

It’s a phrase that you may find yourself saying every now and again. 

Life gets overwhelming, complicated, and sometimes it’s just plain exhausting. But muttering these words in relation to your marriage may have other motivations. 

Maybe every suggestion you’ve offered over the months and years of marriage have been met with rejection. Or maybe you feel more like you’re walking on eggshells or you’ve just stopped saying anything because you feel like a broken record. 

Or maybe you’re just out of practice because it feels like it has been so long and you don’t remember how to talk to one another. 

Emotional intimacy is such an interesting pillar within the 6 intimacies. In a lot of ways, it’s the workhorse that drives all the others. It’s the closeness that comes from sharing thoughts, desires, feelings, and beliefs.

It’s also important to note that emotional intimacy looks different for men and women which means it needs different things to keep it going. 

The stumbling block comes if you have nothing to say or don’t feel comfortable saying anything. That’s when the first pillar starts to crack. From there it can create a domino effect by creating cracks in each of the other 5 pillars.

When you find yourself responding to your spouse (or thinking in your head) I have nothing to say… that’s your wake-up call, your alarm, your red flag to do a little more digging. 

At the beginning of your relationship, there is so much to talk about. You were getting to know each other, learning who the other person is, what they like, what they don’t. These things are sort of built into the process of connecting.

Over time, familiarity can bring complacency BUT it’s more important to know and to cultivate that getting to know you LONG after the “I DO”. 

If you are hearing “I’ve got nothing to say” now is the time to take action. If you’ve tried changing things on your own and it hasn’t worked it may be time for coaching. Building emotional intimacy is a process but one worth participating in.