“The best relationship is when your spouse is not only your lover but your best friend too.” —Anonymous

best friend

It’s common at weddings to hear things like “on this day I marry my best friend”. Or something along those lines.

But what does it mean to marry your best friend? Is there really any difference between a best friend and a lover in the parameters of a marriage? Does it even matter? 

It’s an interesting thing to consider. 

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, these words are defined like this:

Best friend: a person’s closest and dearest friend
Lover: a person with whom one has sexual relations

In both definitions, the base of these relationships has so much to do with your 6 Pillars of Intimacy. 

It is possible to have a best friend that is not your spouse and/or have a spouse that is your lover and best friend. Just like it’s possible to have a lover that you never reveal your deepest darkest secrets too. 

You may have a best friend that you spend time doing mutual activities that you both enjoy. At times you may confide in them but the level of intimacy is clear. 

With your lover, on the other hand, you traditionally enjoy a sexual relationship together. Part of that sexual relationship involves opening yourself up to the other person both physically and sexually.  

So it seems natural that when you describe your spouse as your best friend and your lover it’s because your spouse is someone all-encompassing to you. Your spouse not only plays the role of someone you have shared interests with but someone you share the 6 Pillars of Intimacy with. 

Regardless of which term you use, your spouse is closest to you, and someone who has access to all of you. You invest in them and they invest in you.

At the end of the day, the term doesn’t really matter. What matters are the actions behind it that demonstrate the reality of the word for you. 

If your spouse is the closest person to you and the one with the most access then treat them like that.

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