633: THE WORDS YOU SPEAK
“Words are free. It’s how you use them that can cost you.” —Anonymous
Words are very important in our lives. Sometimes you may not think about the impact of the words you speak when it comes to your spouse.
Every word that you speak begins as a thought in your head which means that no matter if it is a negative or positive word, you are the first person impacted.
This means that even if you don’t speak the words you are still being impacted by them.
Once spoken, they impact you a second time as you hear them. Next they impact the person that they are spoken to AND they impact people that are around you or who hear them.
The words you speak have power. They aren’t harmless. No matter what they are, they impact many people even if directed to one.
Do you remember this song when we were growing up?
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?”
It’s not true. Not one bit of it.
Some of the biggest damage that gets inflicted in a marriage comes as the result of the words that are spoken. Stop and think about that for a moment.
When you recognize the impact that your words are having on yourself and on your spouse you become empowered to choose something different.
When you find yourself in this place where you are speaking words that aren’t having the desired impact in your marriage it’s time to change the words that you speak.
There is always some emotion behind the spoken thoughts. Words are not just words as we just stated. They are vessels for hurt, rejection, neglect, frustration, and so much more.
When you identify the emotion(s) behind the words it allows you to get to the heart of the matter.
It also allows you to express things fully.
By simply changing the words, you are able to get rid of blanket statements. It lets you get specific about your feelings that go beyond angry, mad, or sad. It also identifies what the cause is, which gives the two of you a focus on what can be changed.
In a nutshell it means no more vague statements that don’t allow you the chance to make a change!
You can change the ineffective words that you speak to something that is actionable. By using the “I feel X when you Y” formula, you create the framework that allows you to communicate more effectively with your spouse.
This week be aware of your words.
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