636: COMPARISON IS DANGEROUS
“Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute spent wasting yours.” —Anonymous
You’re scrolling through Instagram and see pictures of your friends having this romantic date night. In that moment you wonder why you’re not experiencing the same.
Or maybe you’ve been out to a restaurant and seen a wife lean over and kiss her husband and wonder why doesn’t my wife do that?
Maybe you watched a husband opening the door for his wife and thought, I wish my husband would do that for me?
You are not alone.
With the prevalence of social media, 24/7 access to on demand movies or TV, it’s easy to see how others are living their daily lives. With this you begin to think about your own marriage through the lens of what others are doing.
On the one hand, some folks are able to step into a place where they can recognize the effort that has gone into what they are seeing. Because of this they are able to celebrate others. Often though it’s not celebration you engage in but rather negative self talk about what’s going on in your own marriage.
When feelings of comparison come up it’s essential to evaluate two things:
- Where are the feelings coming from inside me?
- What am I going to do about these feelings?
Let’s talk first about where those feelings come from inside you. Are you dealing with insecurities in your own marriage? Are there walls up because of past betrayal or rejection? Or maybe, it’s just that you feel like the two of you simply aren’t connecting right now.
Once you’ve identified the feelings that you have when you see others having marriage success the next question is “What are you going to do about it?”
Start by asking yourself “What can I do?” Think about what you can do to change the reasons behind your emotions. By doing this you will discover where to go to get the help that you need to overcome comparison.
Comparison doesn’t have to be an intimacy killer in your marriage. It can be a motivator and an encouragement to you to live the extraordinary marriage you desire.
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