651: STUCK IN A NEGATIVE SEXUAL MINDSET
“Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Make sure to watch your actions because they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. ” —Anonymous
When you can express yourself in a way that can be heard and acted upon by your spouse is a tremendous gift, to both of you.
Your words have power. This is particularly true when it comes to your sexual intimacy.
When it comes to how you describe your sex life currently, it’s important to consider if you have more negative words to positive words. Sexual mindset matters.
Why?
The sexual intimacy pillar is one of the 6 Pillars of Intimacy, it isn’t a maybe or a kind of, or an “I can ignore it pillar”. It is one of the pillars that supports your whole marriage.
If it has a crack in it, it needs to be addressed and strengthened. Negative words can be those cracks and greatly impact your sexual mindset.
The truth is life can sometimes get in the way of a great sex life.
Kids come along, jobs get busier, hurts don’t get addressed… you can easily find yourself shifting the importance of this.
What happens is before you know it, you find your marriage in this place where your sexual intimacy is boring, routine, predictable, sad, stagnant, or stressful.
What you say about your sex life, the words that you use to describe your sexual intimacy, is often an indication of greater challenges to your marriage.
Words like: absent, lacking, and routine don’t have intentional actions. They also don’t show that you’re emotionally connected. When you find yourself repeating those negative words over and over again, it’s time to take action, get help or do something different.
The negative words aren’t where you want to stay and sometimes you need help making that shift.
But words like passionate, adventurous, amazing, extraordinary, and fulfilling. Not a single one of those words “just happens” it takes intentional actions to get you to those emotionally connected feelings.
So forget what you see in the movies or what you’ve been exposed to through porn. To achieve what so many of you want in your sexual intimacy you’re going to have to take different actions. You’re going to have to focus on those words that MAKE things happen.
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