661: STOP KEEPING SCORE

“The minute you start keeping score you’re destroying the relationship.” —Tony Robbins

keeping score

I do more than you.

I take care of this or that.

You never do this.

Do you find yourself keeping score? 

Sadly any form of keeping score, will do nothing more than create winners and losers in your marriage.

Normal behavior? Yes.

Damaging behavior? Also, Yes.

Most will admit that at some point in time in their marriage they have kept score. From affection given to household tasks or even dealing with kids and spending money. 

You are not alone if you’ve felt yourself keeping score.

You may find that there are times in your marriage when it wasn’t about coming together on the same team but rather who will win the next round, who is more right, who can be louder, more stubborn.

Although at the time it might have felt right, that game that you played didn’t have winners, it only had losers. And that’s the problem with playing that game. 

Over time, no one wins. 

That’s because anytime that you are keeping score or looking at your spouse like “I do this” and “you do that” you’ve begun creating a rift. Those thoughts come at a price in your marriage, even if you don’t feel them in the here and now.

Stop for one second and ask yourself: Where did I get the idea that my marriage or our life has to be 50/50?

The cost can be high when you don’t mindfully shift this pattern, you can lose your happiness, trust or even unity. Keeping score pits you against one another causing resentment, frustration and even anger.

It’s time to discuss your expectations AND open yourself up to a place of understanding when it comes to how your spouse wants to be communicated to. It’s time to get you back on the same team!

EPISODE SPONSOR | The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage

Is it really possible to rekindle the spark and restore the “like-new” connection in your marriage?

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, we will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, we only recommend products or services we use personally and believe will add value to our readers. We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Medical Disclaimer: The content of this article & website is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider.