661: STOP KEEPING SCORE

“The minute you start keeping score you’re destroying the relationship.” —Tony Robbins

keeping score

I do more than you.

I take care of this or that.

You never do this.

Do you find yourself keeping score? 

Sadly any form of keeping score, will do nothing more than create winners and losers in your marriage.

Normal behavior? Yes.

Damaging behavior? Also, Yes.

Most will admit that at some point in time in their marriage they have kept score. From affection given to household tasks or even dealing with kids and spending money. 

You are not alone if you’ve felt yourself keeping score.

You may find that there are times in your marriage when it wasn’t about coming together on the same team but rather who will win the next round, who is more right, who can be louder, more stubborn.

Although at the time it might have felt right, that game that you played didn’t have winners, it only had losers. And that’s the problem with playing that game. 

Over time, no one wins. 

That’s because anytime that you are keeping score or looking at your spouse like “I do this” and “you do that” you’ve begun creating a rift. Those thoughts come at a price in your marriage, even if you don’t feel them in the here and now.

Stop for one second and ask yourself: Where did I get the idea that my marriage or our life has to be 50/50?

The cost can be high when you don’t mindfully shift this pattern, you can lose your happiness, trust or even unity. Keeping score pits you against one another causing resentment, frustration and even anger.

It’s time to discuss your expectations AND open yourself up to a place of understanding when it comes to how your spouse wants to be communicated to. It’s time to get you back on the same team!

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