“Do not wait. The time will never be “just right”. Start where you stand, and use whatever tools you have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.” —George Herbert


When working on your house or your car, you need tools to get the job done. You need a toolbox.


Because when you have the right tool, what you are working on goes smoother.

When you don’t have the right tool for the job, you may find that you struggle to connect with your spouse. Maybe you are not sure how to talk to one another. Or you may feel you are stuck without a clear idea of how to come together.

Just like working on the house or the car, you need to right tool from your marriage toolbox for the situation. You also need to know the person who will use the tool.

For instance, if you are strengthening your emotional intimacy, you have to know how to use the tools you are embracing. You also have to know if that is the right tool not only for the job you are going to do but that both of you can use it.

Maybe you want to strengthen your sexual intimacy by having more sex. You may ask your spouse to listen to all the podcast shows on scheduling sex, thinking this will be great. Your spouse will hear everything and will be ready to put this into play.

Except your spouse doesn’t listen or feels overwhelmed trying to figure out how scheduling sex will work for the two of you.

The tool from your toolbox is great. And yet you’ve chosen one that works for you, but for your spouse, not so much.

Every pillar will have its own set of tools and those tools may look different from what everyone else’s are.

You may also need to adjust or add tools depending on which pillar of intimacy you are working on. Just like you wouldn’t use a hammer to unclog a drain, you wouldn’t use a podcast when you know you need one-on-one coaching.

Using the right tool for the right situation makes everything easier. Even in your marriage.

Table Topics: Questions to Start Great Conversations

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