698: WHEN THE INTIMACY LIFESTYLE GOES OFF THE RAILS
“Sex is like exercise; it is always available to us, but it is easier to set time aside for it than to do it spontaneously.” —Anonymous
It’s so easy to get busy. Between kids’ schedules, work, and the other things that you have on your calendar, you may have struggled to maintain your Intimacy Lifestyle (scheduling sex) as a couple.
It can be tricky to find your rhythm with your sexual intimacy.
From deciding what days to have sex to who’s initiating and how, it can be a lot.
Throw in raising kids, work, and things that pop up like illness and you can see why it’s so easy to get off track.
When you have the Intimacy Lifestyle in place and the two of you have defined it, it becomes part of the fabric of your marriage.
It’s that regular reminder that this is a commitment the two of you have made to one another.
It’s knowing that this aspect of your marriage is a priority.
And yet, when schedules go sideways or when health things like perimenopause become a factor, you can look at one another and say our Intimacy Lifestyle isn’t working.
You can have great intentions and then life gets super busy and you look around, disconnected, and before you know it, what was once an integral part of your lives seems to face hiccups.
It’s not smooth any more. It feels awkward and fragmented.
The sensation of feeling disconnected is usually a good indicator that this pillar, or any, has a crack in it. Don’t ignore the cracks in your Intimacy Lifestyle. Don’t think that if you aren’t talking about something, it’s OK.
Extraordinary couples talk about every pillar of intimacy and they do so regularly. But if your Intimacy Lifestyle isn’t working, you may need help on how to talk about it.
One of the first things to do is to acknowledge it. Often the first step in recognizing there’s disconnect in your sexual intimacy or a crack in the pillar is to acknowledge it.
Once you do that, you can come up with solutions. When something isn’t working in the marriage relationship, it’s so easy to come at your spouse with complaints rather than focusing on solutions. Hand in hand with that is being willing to try when your spouse comes to you or suggests something.
By doing this, you create a feedback loop. If you are trying new things, you need to have a feedback loop. This allows the two of you to learn about what’s working? What’s not? What do you need to adjust?
Don’t assume that no news is good news. Ask!
If your sexual intimacy pillar has a crack in it, it means it needs attention.
Don’t wait for things to sort themselves out. Exploring your sexual and emotional intimacy when your Intimacy Lifestyle isn’t working the way you planned.
Remember: Sex is like exercise; it is always available to us, but it is easier to set time aside for it than to do it spontaneously!
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Other Resources:
Now Available On-Demand 'I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You' Masterclass
The Intimacy of Massage, Love of Hiking, Crab Position, and more in the June Position Post Magazine
Is It Time to Consider Marriage Coaching? Watch the Marriage Coaching Case Study
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