“It’s time to break the cycle. It’s time to heal. It’s time to grow.—Anonymous

roommate cycle

Divvying up the bills and the chores.

Describing each other as great parents or co-parents.

Not being able to remember the last time that you kissed or even sat next to each other on the couch.

Your conversations go no deeper than groceries or schedules.

Sex seems like a distant memory.

You may have felt that your time together without kids or others is a unicorn event. What you envisioned on your wedding day of your time together, romance, conversations and sex, has now turned into being excellent roommates and not even roommates with benefits.

While many have experienced this in your marriage, it’s important that it does not become a regular occurrence. While there are always going to be seasons in your marriage, having this become your “mode of operation” isn’t the answer.

And yet the easiest way to sort through it all and find out why this is happening to you is to ask yourself, “What’s my priority right now?”

It’s easy to forget that sometimes, when there are so many important things, there just isn’t anything left over for one another.

Think about this: Roommates share a space, but their priority is their own life.

What are you doing? What’s on your schedule?

When you said your wedding vows, you declared that this person to whom you were professing your love was and would be your priority.

I take you.
To have and to hold.
In sickness and in health.
For richer, for poorer.
As long as life shall last.

Extraordinary couples bring that level of priority back to their lives so that they can break the roommate cycle.

You know you can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing and stay in that roommate place because you aren’t changing your actions or you can do something different to get different results.

But if you want to reclaim that vision for your marriage. If you want to break the roommate cycle, the two of you need to take action. You can even get started by using The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Quiz to figure out what’s strong in your marriage and what needs attention. Chances are good that the areas that need attention are areas where you’ve fallen into being roommates.

Then look to schedule time with one another and plan on ways to have fun again! Recreational Intimacy can be one of the easiest ways for a couple to reconnect. Being in the place of being roommates is about maintaining the status quo.

Striving for extraordinary things is about pushing the limits to grow together.

Free Quiz: What’s Your Strongest Pillar?

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