“You can have results or excuses, not both.—Anonymous


The problem with excuses is that they often have an element of truth in them.

Why? Because they are a way of saying you don’t want to do something that you don’t want to face.

An excuse is:

  • something offered as justification or as grounds (reason) for being excused
  • an expression of regret for failing to do something

What was the last excuse you made about having sex?

  • I’m too tired or I don’t feel like it.
  • I’m not in the mood.
  • I get nothing out of having sex.
  • I’m stressed or the kids are around/awake/in our bed.
  • I have too much to do or I need to shower.

Maybe there are times you want to shower first or that you are exhausted.

But, the thing with excuses is they create distance.

It means that you don’t want to address the underlying issues of why you don’t want to do it.

It seems easier to give an excuse than it does to address the situations in your marriage, and yet simply giving excuses, especially for the why behind not wanting to have sex, is not making your life any easier.

Now, think back to your wedding day. You made the commitment to have and to hold (or some variation thereof) – this is about your physical and sexual intimacy.

But then the excuses come, and the commitment doesn’t feel as strongly.

That’s because excuses will erode the fabric of your marriage. The excuses aren’t strengthening your marriage.

With excuses, they need to be addressed. What if, instead, you got to the heart of what’s behind the excuses?

It’s amazing how much can shift in your sexual intimacy when you and your spouse deal with your “stuff” and begin operating as the healthiest versions of yourselves.

620: Let Go Of Past Relationships

365: I Have A Headache… Let’s Have Sex

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