“Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities.—Anonymous


Confidence is an essential element of marriage. Feeling confident and capable is empowering. When you feel confident in your marriage, you can take action to help your marriage thrive.

But when you aren’t confident, fear of rejection or failure can hold you back. Insecurity and self-doubt can stop you from making the changes that will strengthen your marriage.

It’s time to recognize a lack of confidence for what it is: a crack in a pillar.

Low confidence can occur in any of the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. Members of the ONE Family shared that they have felt incapable of:

  • Initiating sex
  • Financial intimacy
  • Spiritual intimacy
  • Confrontation
  • Parenting
  • Self-control
  • And more

Low confidence can look different for every couple and in every pillar.

For example, a couple may experience a crack in their Sexual Intimacy Pillar if they don’t know how to initiate sex. A crack in the Financial Intimacy Pillar may look like a spouse avoiding important financial discussions because they feel helpless or don’t know how to improve the situation. Or, in the Spiritual Intimacy Pillar, cracks may appear because a spouse doesn’t feel confident in praying out loud together. To avoid embarrassment or awkwardness, they might not even try.

While it’s one thing to recognize where we don’t feel confident or capable, we must also consider the impact this mindset has on our marriage. For instance, low confidence can lead to emotions such as resentment, frustration, stress, bitterness, fear, a lack of trust, and more. Ultimately, this creates a disconnect between spouses.

Lacking confidence in an area of your marriage signifies a crack in that pillar. Before you can restore connection and closeness with your spouse, you must address the crack. Then, you must develop skills that help you grow your confidence.

The first step in building confidence is to identify what you are doing right.

Consider all 6 Pillars of Intimacy®: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual. Which pillars are strongest for you? In which pillars have you developed skills, gained knowledge, and seen success?

Next, think about how you gained your confidence in that pillar. What did you do specifically? Perhaps you read a book, played a game, or found a resource that strengthened that pillar and gave you the confidence to take action.

Whatever steps you took to succeed in one pillar can apply to other pillars. Of course, it won’t happen overnight. Building confidence takes time and practice. In short, it’s the result of consistent actions over time.

It also won’t always be easy. In fact, it might be uncomfortable. You may need to have challenging conversations. But your marriage is worth it.

Each intentional step you take will help you develop new skills and behaviors. As you work to strengthen the pillars, your confidence will grow.

It’s time to stop feeling incapable of taking action. You have the power to strengthen your marriage by taking small steps. Over time, you will grow in closeness and connection with your spouse. This is the path toward the extraordinary marriage you desire.


The Power of Positive Thinking

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