732: FINDING JOY IN TRADITIONS

“Traditions touch us, connect us, expand us.” —Rita Barreto Craig

Traditions are a meaningful way to signal the holiday season.

When we are children, traditions can feel magical. As we get older, though, finding joy in traditions can become more difficult.

At Christmastime, our focus tends to move away from our spouse and onto our family, responsibilities, and more. 

Finding joy in the traditions this time of year is not only possible—it’s necessary! 

It’s easy for couples to lose themselves in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season. When you do everything for everyone else, you might think you’re putting your marriage “on hold.” 

But the truth is that you can’t put your marriage on hold. Your marriage is always either moving forward or backward. Putting your marriage on the back burner is likely to weaken it. 

When you and your spouse stop spending time together and having fun, you risk developing cracks in your Recreational Intimacy Pillar. All of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® work together, so if one pillar weakens, it affects the others. 

A great way to keep your marriage strong during the Christmas season is by embracing couples traditions. 

There’s an important distinction between couples traditions and family traditions. Often, families focus on holiday traditions that are done with and for the children. Other times, families take part in family traditions passed down from parents or grandparents. 

While these traditions are important for making everyone feel connected, it’s vital to your marriage that you and your spouse determine your own traditions for just the two of you. You need traditions that help create connection and deepen your intimacy. 

There are countless benefits to prioritizing your own couples traditions during Christmas. Traditions can help bring you and your spouse closer together. It can be a time when you reflect on the past year and look forward to the future. These can be some of your happiest moments! 

Who doesn’t want this for their marriage? Why wouldn’t you use the holiday season to strengthen your marriage instead of allowing it to weaken? 

It all comes down to a choice. What narrative are you going to believe? 

This time of year, people buy into all sorts of narratives. They believe the holidays are just for kids or that you must attend every activity. Many people believe that there’s never enough time to get everything done. 

But extraordinary couples don’t buy into the narrative that the holidays have to drain you of joy. Rather, they know traditions can bring joy and connection. 

Whether you already have traditions with your spouse or you’re just now creating them, keep in mind that traditions don’t have to take a lot of time or money. What’s most important is that you are fully present. Find what’s most meaningful and works best for you. 

Consider adopting one or more of the traditions below, or let the prompts stir up some ideas of your own. 

• Play board games on Christmas Eve
• Have a date weekend where you pull a mattress into the living room and spend your time in bed by the Christmas tree
• Wear matching pajamas
• Cut down the Christmas tree together
• Open stockings and gifts together on Christmas morning
• Read the Nativity story together 
• Sing Christmas carols together
• Watch a Christmas movie while you wrap presents
• Cook together
• Make sugar cookies
• Walk through the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights

Yes, some of these traditions can include your children or other people. But it’s important to take time during this season to focus on your marriage. 

Don’t go into January feeling grumpy because you put your marriage on the back burner for 4–6 weeks. Instead, start the year feeling joyful and connected. 

This week, talk with your spouse about the Christmas couples traditions that matter to you. Discuss which traditions you’d like to start this year. Then, make it happen. 

Imagine how great January will feel when you have made time to create and embrace your own traditions and strengthen your recreational intimacy.

Resources

The Adventure Challenge Couples Edition

Elf (The Movie)

Position Post Magazine

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