“Resistance is the first step to change.Louise Hay

fighting against

Resistance is a part of life. You’ll face it with your coworkers, your children, and inevitably with your spouse. 

But continual resistance in your marriage will weaken your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.

Think of your marriage like riding a bike. 

There will be times when biking that you have a tailwind. The gusts push you along with ease. It feels like everything is going smoothly. 

When you have a tailwind in marriage, your 6 Pillars of Intimacy® are all strong and working in unison, and you feel you can accomplish anything. 

Other times when biking, you have a headwind. It feels like your effort is met with nothing but resistance. It’s challenging and discouraging. 

Resistance in marriage is like fighting a headwind on a bike. It’s an opposing force to what you are trying to accomplish. 

In marriage, anything can turn a tailwind into a headwind. However, there are certain intimacies where you may feel resistance most. 

For example, intense emotions like anger or resentment can create resistance in your Emotional Intimacy Pillar. Similarly, secrecy or issues communicating can be the headwind that keeps you from moving forward. 

Another pillar where resistance often occurs is the Financial Intimacy Pillar. When you and your spouse have different timelines or priorities for big purchases, you can struggle to achieve your goals. 

You may experience resistance in your Recreational Intimacy Pillar when you don’t agree about when or how to spend time together. 

Finally, disagreement about your sex life can create resistance in your Sexual intimacy Pillar. When the resistance goes unaddressed, cracks can quickly form.  

Other things that can cause resistance in your marriage include parenting, housework, and health. 

Just like in biking, you often have little control over when headwinds occur. 

But the good news is you have control over your actions. 

You can turn a headwind into a tailwind by changing direction on your bike. As a result, the wind works for you rather than against you. 

How do you do this in marriage? 

While you may face points of resistance where progress isn’t happening, you can create a tailwind in your marriage by being intentional and taking action. 

For example, communication is key to overcoming resistance in your Emotional Intimacy Pillar. Take action by using resources like the Emotions Wheel if you struggle to articulate your thoughts or feelings.

To resolve resistance in your Financial Intimacy Pillar, create plans together. Making decisions without a plan, especially for big purchases, can lead to disconnection. So creating and sticking to plans is crucial.  

If you’re facing resistance in your Recreational Intimacy Pillar, get creative about how to have fun together. A great way to brainstorm new date ideas is by spending a few minutes creating a Top 10 List together of future dates. 

To stop fighting a headwind in your Sexual Intimacy Pillar, determine how you want this pillar to look in your marriage. Use the Intimacy Lifestyle Planner to create a plan. Then, adjust your plan as needed to make it work for you. 

You can also address resistance in your marriage by honoring the plans you’ve made, changing your language to avoid triggers, and checking in with each other instead of making assumptions. 

Coaching is another option that can help you overcome resistance. If you’re struggling to create a plan and take action, apply for coaching today.

Ultimately, resistance in your marriage means something needs to change; you don’t have to keep fighting a headwind. 

If you’re facing resistance in an area of your marriage, seek to understand your spouse’s perspective.

Curiosity can lead you to a place of understanding rather than increased friction. 

With intentionality and action, you can work through resistance and accelerate your breakthrough. 


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