744: MASSAGE ME

“Massage touches the body, heals the mind, and calms the spirit.—Anonymous

massage

From head to toe, a loving touch or massage from your spouse can go a long way in deepening your intimacy.

A simple massage can help loosen up tight muscles or help you clear your mind after a long, stressful day. In marriage, massages can also be a tool to build physical and sexual intimacy with your spouse.

It all starts with a touch.

First, it’s important to distinguish between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy. Massage can help you strengthen both pillars in your marriage, but they are not the same thing.

Physical intimacy is the closeness and connection the two of you create through your loving, non-sexual touch. It can lead to sex, but it doesn’t always have to.

On the other hand, sexual intimacy is the closeness and connection through your sexual actions. This includes romance, initiation, foreplay, and intercourse.

Since physical and sexual intimacy make up two of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, it’s important to have tools to keep these pillars strong.

A massage is an incredible tool that can convey intention, attention, and care to your spouse without either of you having to utter a word.

The first place to start is by discovering which touches you and your spouse enjoy.

This conversation can also help you deepen your emotional intimacy as you share your honest thoughts and feelings. Opening up to your spouse about where and how you like to be touched requires vulnerability.

Perhaps you don’t consider yourself touchy-feely. You’re not alone.

Several members of the ONE Family share that massage isn’t part of their marriage toolbox because one or both of them don’t like them.

But our bodies were designed for touch. Physical intimacy is vital to the health and strength of your marriage. In fact, massage is a regular part of physical intimacy for 65% of the ONE Family.

If you’ve never tried massages because you don’t think you’ll like them, you could be missing out on massive benefits.

For example, massages can lead to relaxation, connection, and making your spouse feel loved. It can help lower stress or lessen pain. For some, massage is a great way to get in the mood for sex.

However, you may have tried massages before in your marriage, and it didn’t seem to work. Maybe you didn’t like how it felt or didn’t benefit from it.

Consider looking at massage differently.

Massage doesn’t just mean the typical back rub—although it certainly can. You can massage any area on your spouse’s body that feels good to them.

Massage can include foot rubs or shoulder rubs.

You can massage your spouse’s palm with your thumb, or you can use your fingers to massage the crook of their thumb.

A loving squeeze on your spouse’s thigh might feel good to them, or they may enjoy a scalp massage or neck rub.

If you never try, you’ll never know.

Massages can look different in different seasons of your marriage, and the way certain touches feel on your skin can change over time.

That’s why it’s so important to try new things.

Exploring what touches feel good to you and your spouse can take time. You may also need to try several things before finding what works best for the two of you.

Consider adding massage oils, candles, or lube to enhance the experience. Turn on relaxing music or dim the lights. This can make the massage more enjoyable for both of you.

Ultimately, you and your spouse can decide how to implement massage as part of your marriage toolbox. It doesn’t have to happen all the time.

But if fatigue or busy schedules keep you from connecting physically with your spouse, it is time to take action.

Massage can do more than calm your mind and body; it can help you be intentional with your spouse and strengthen your connection. Don’t let these benefits pass you by.

Resources

Massage Oils (Amazon)

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.

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