“We make time for what’s important to us. If you haven’t made time for it, it’s because you haven’t convinced yourself that it’s important.—Anonymous


Is foreplay important to you?

If you’re not making time for it, then you probably aren’t convinced it is.

How you prioritize foreplay can determine a lot about the strength of your sexual intimacy.

Understandably, keeping foreplay fresh and exciting after a while can be challenging.

You need two things to keep foreplay fun: intentionality and creativity.

Your marriage will go through seasons, and foreplay will look different over the years. At times, you’ll fall into patterns and routines.

Foreplay routines aren’t bad. In fact, it’s good to know what works for you and your spouse.

But when you can predict every movement of foreplay, it’s easy to tune out and not be fully present.

Perhaps you relate to a couple in the ONE Family Private Facebook Group who shared that they “are kind of stumped when it comes to foreplay.”

Like them, you may have “gotten stuck in a rut of doing the same exact thing every time.”

To keep foreplay from becoming an afterthought, you have to learn how to diversify it.

First, be intentional.

You and your spouse get to decide what foreplay looks like in your marriage.

The standard definition of foreplay is the erotic stimulation preceding intercourse.

What does this look like for you two?

For you, foreplay might happen with or without clothes. It might be physical, mental, or another kind of stimulation.

You might characterize foreplay as the laughter and teasing that comes before intercourse. Or it might be something that helps you get in the mood.

Ultimately, it’s more than just “Hey, wanna have sex?”

It requires emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy as you intentionally learn what works for you and your spouse. You’ll have to ask some questions.

The conversation might feel awkward, but strong emotional intimacy helps you feel comfortable having honest conversations and expressing your desires.

Keep in mind that there are no right or wrong answers. It’s all about what builds closeness and connection in your marriage.

Second, be creative.

Explore new ways you can spice up foreplay. For example:

  • Incorporate sexy games, toys, or feathers.
  • Set the mood with candles, diffusers, or dimmed lights.
  • Send thoughtful or sexy texts throughout the day.
  • Add hand jobs, fingering, making out, or oral sex to your routine.
  • Try sensual massages, nipple stimulation, or showering together.

Again, foreplay is any erotic stimulation that happens before intercourse.

There’s no perfect formula. Discover what makes the two of you feel good and enjoy the moment. This is something you’ll continue to learn and practice throughout your marriage.

A conversation with your spouse is the first step in strengthening your sexual intimacy and enhancing your experience. With a little effort, you can determine what works best for you and your spouse.

These conversations can be challenging.

If you’re having difficulty approaching the topic with your spouse, don’t hesitate to get help with marriage coaching. The personal help of a marriage coach can help jumpstart improvement in your marriage.


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