“It’s not a nap. It’s a much needed life pause, preferably with a warm blanket.—Anonymous

nap time

Nap time is not just for little kids. As spouses, it’s important to address how even a simple thing, such as napping, affects your marriage. 

Maybe it’s both of you napping together. Or just one of you. 

There are plenty of benefits to taking a nap, but you might experience feelings of guilt or resentment if you aren’t talking about this with your spouse. 

You need a nap time plan that works for the two of you. 

Nap time will look different throughout your marriage. For example, there’s a stark contrast between the freedom you have to nap before you have children versus after. 

As newlyweds or empty nesters, napping might be a way to relax or connect. As parents of infants or toddlers, a nap might be the saving grace from sleep deprivation. 

Nap time can have positive or negative effects on your emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. 

There are various napping habits within the ONE Family. In a recent poll, 35% of you responded that he naps, 28% of you said that she naps, and 37% of you said you both nap. 

But only 43% of you said that you take naps together. If you’re part of the 57% of the ONE Family not taking a nap with your spouse, you could be missing out on major benefits for your intimacy.

The CDC recommends an ideal nap time of 15 to 30 minutes to avoid feeling groggy or even more tired. A quick nap can be a pick-me-up. 

According to Mayo Clinic, the benefits of naps include relaxation, reduced fatigue, increased alertness, improved mood, and improved performance, such as quicker reaction time and better memory. 

When you look at these benefits, it’s clear how naps affect your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.

Feeling more relaxed and alert can affect how you connect to your spouse on an emotional, physical, financial, recreational, and even sexual level.

Napping comes with its own pros and cons.

For many couples, nap time is a positive thing. It can promote sexual intimacy and be relaxing and energizing.

Couples who nap together express feeling more connected because of the quality time. Sleeping together naked or while holding hands can deepen physical intimacy. 

But nap time can also cause a lot of tension. 

Sometimes it can feel like your spouse is taking a nap to avoid responsibilities. Other times, you might feel jealous that they’re napping and you can’t. Resentment can start to build.

On the other hand, you might feel guilty for napping. You may feel misunderstood by your spouse or fear that they think you’re lazy. 

Napping without a plan can create cracks in your intimacy. It’s time to take action. 

First, think about what this conversation needs to look like for the two of you. 

Are there feelings of bitterness, guilt, or vulnerability that you need to address? Do you need understanding or forgiveness before moving forward? 

Then, ask each other questions. The simple question “How do you feel about me napping?” can spark great conversation. 

Discuss how you can each take advantage of naps. 

Share your expectations for nap time. For instance, how long will you nap? Will you sleep on the couch or in the bedroom with the door locked? 

It’s important to decide what environment you will create for naps. 

If you have concerns about how often your spouse is napping, ask why they might be so tired. The solutions for fatigue look different based on what is causing it, such as having little kids, a hormone imbalance, or increased stress

The positives and negatives of napping can influence how you and your spouse relate to one another. Consider whether nap time helps or hurts your marriage. Then, take action.

Naps might not seem like a big deal, but having a plan for naps is crucial for protecting your intimacy and accessing the benefits of a little extra sleep.


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