748: SMART DEVICES ARE DESTROYING YOUR INTIMATE MOMENTS

“The most dangerous distractions are the ones you love, that don’t love you back.” —Warren Buffet

If you are like 90% of the ONE Family, you have a smart device in your bedroom.

Smart devices are everything from phones and TVs to computers, iPads, Kindles, gaming systems, and even Alexa.

These smart devices can steal the intimate moments you should be having with your spouse.

Worst of all, these devices don’t love you back.

It’s time to address all the things we’re plugged into when we should really be connecting with each other.

When it comes to your sexual intimacy, few things are more frustrating than the interruption of a phone or TV. The unpredictable lights and sounds disrupt your flow and take your focus away from the moment.

The connection between the two of you weakens when your eyes are darting to notifications or alerts instead of each other.

Over time, these habits can create cracks in all of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.

Within the ONE Family, 90% of you have devices in your bedroom.

Of the devices that could be in your room, 56% of you said you have at least one phone, 27% of you said there’s a TV, and 25% of you said there’s a tablet or iPad in your room. Some couples have computers, gaming systems, or smart speakers. Many of you have multiple devices in your room.

While electronics can create cracks in any pillar, they pose the most risk to your emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy.

For example, smart devices create barriers to conversations and emotional intimacy. Or you may face opposite directions with little to no touch, which limits your physical intimacy.

Likewise, the distractions of a device keep you or your spouse from getting in the mood for sex. You end up spending more time on your phone than you do with your spouse.

How can you take action to reclaim your moments of intimacy in the bedroom and beyond?

First, assess what’s plugged in. Look at which devices in your bedroom are restricting intimacy with your spouse, such as your phones, TV, tablets, or a combination.

Then, consider how these devices are affecting your intimacy. What does it typically look like for devices to come between you?

Do you spend the evenings scrolling on your phone, reading on a Kindle, or watching TV? Does the chirp of a smartwatch or an unexpected response from Siri or Alexa interrupt your meaningful conversations or sexual moments?

Finally, ask what purpose each device serves and whether it could serve its purpose outside your bedroom.

For example, if you have to keep a device nearby for work reasons, can you place it away from the bed so it’s not the first or last thing you look at each day?

If you have devices in your room for entertainment, what guardrails can you establish so the two of you feel connected?

And if you use your phone as an alarm clock, get an actual alarm clock.

Even if a device serves a good and essential purpose, you don’t always have it in your bedroom.

Ultimately, you need to assess your habits. Everyone deals with bad habits—things that distract you from your purpose or take you away from what you really want.

Let’s break the bad habit of using devices in the bedroom.

Start by committing to making one change over the next 30 days, whether that means removing the TV from the bedroom, charging your phone in the kitchen or bathroom, turning your phone to airplane mode during meals, or something else.

Recognize the frequent itch for your phone and replace it with connection with your spouse. You know your spouse is more important than your phone or TV. Now is the time to show it.

These conversations and compromises can also deepen your emotional intimacy. However, if you struggle to find solutions, get personal help from a marriage coach.

You don’t have to let smart device distractions destroy your intimate moments. Strengthen your 6 Pillars of Intimacy® this month by putting down your devices and reconnecting with your spouse.

Be intentional, take action, and regain your intimacy.

Resources

ONE Extraordinary Marriage Newsletter

576: Make Your Bedroom a Sanctuary

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.