754: IS SEXUAL INTIMACY MORE THAN INTERCOURSE

“Don’t let others define you, you define yourself.” —Ginni Rometty

You and your spouse have the power to define every aspect of your marriage, from emotional and spiritual intimacy to financial, recreational, and beyond. 

Sexual intimacy is just as important to define in your marriage. And it’s up to the two of you. 

Often, couples limit the definition of sexual intimacy to intercourse.

But expanding the definition of sexual intimacy can give you more opportunities for connection, closeness, and a stronger marriage. 

Some of the most common intimacy challenges couples face include infrequent sex and sexlessness. These situations can create disconnection and cause one or both spouses to feel resentful. 

But what if you defined sexual intimacy in your marriage as more than just intercourse? 

Sure, it’s easy to focus on intercourse because it’s measurable. You either had intercourse or you didn’t. 

However, there are other ways to be sexually close and connected with your spouse. And when you expand your definition of sexual intimacy to include these other acts, you create more opportunities for connection and minimize rejection. 

Considering intercourse as the only form of sexual intimacy can lead to frustration or disappointment.

Unfortunately, this is the way most couples define sexual intimacy. 

Intercourse becomes something you do just to get it over with. You can quickly jump to conclusions that something is wrong in your marriage, you’re not having enough sex, or your spouse doesn’t desire you. These scenarios create disconnectedness. 

In reality, there are several reasons intercourse might not always be feasible for a couple. 

Health issues may prevent sexual intercourse from being a possibility. During postpartum recovery, intercourse is not recommended.

Various seasons of life can make intercourse less feasible, such as raising young kids, menopause, erectile dysfunction, stress, and more. 

You don’t have to limit your definition of sexual intimacy. 

Within the ONE Family, 96% of you said that sexual intimacy can be more than just sexual intercourse.

However, there’s a difference between knowing this and actually implementing it.

An important shift happens in your marriage when you define sexual intimacy as more than just intercourse. 

This decision creates more opportunities for you to say “yes” to each other instead of “no.”

It provides more moments to choose connection instead of rejection. An expanded definition gives you options instead of absolutes. 

If it helps, consider your sexual intimacy like a buffet. There is so much to choose from! While intercourse might not be on the table sometimes, other options exist. Rather than a flat “no,” you can find more things to say “yes” to. 

With more opportunities to experience sexual intimacy, you also increase chances to make each other feel seen, loved, and desired. You increase the connection and the fun! 

So how can you and your spouse expand the definition of sexual intimacy in your marriage? 

First, you’ll need to engage your emotional intimacy. These conversations can feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you aren’t used to talking about sex much with each other. To create this shift in your marriage, you’ll have to get vulnerable to decide what this pillar looks like. 

Listen to the list we share in this episode and discuss which ideas you might want to include in your definition of sexual intimacy. (Remember, borrowing ideas from others in the ONE Family is okay!)

For example, an expanded definition of sexual intimacy might include:

• Flirting
• Sexy texting
• Edging
• Licking
• Massages
• Subtle touches
• And much more! 

Let this episode kick-start a conversation between the two of you. 

Engage your emotional intimacy as you add an expanded definition of sexual intimacy to your marriage toolbox. 

Take action today with the Liberator Silky Tie-Ups + Loveblind Bundle. The luxuriously smooth ribbon ties and plush blindfold will heighten your senses and create anticipation for sexual intimacy—whatever that looks like for the two of you. 

Resources

710: Summer Sex Challenge

Romance One Another

Stress and Sex Masterclass

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.