“In the absence of information the imagination runs wild.—Alisa DiLorenzo


Imagination is a wonderful thing, but when your imagination runs wild because of a lack of communication in your marriage, the result is often confusion, disconnect, or conflict.

When you don’t communicate with your spouse, the lack of information can lead to one or both of you filling in the gaps with your own ideas. You can create a false narrative that divides you.

But you don’t have to stay in a place of confusion. The first step to getting your imagination under control is to build emotional intimacy.

In the absence of information the imagination runs wild.

In other words, when the two of you aren’t communicating—or aren’t communicating well—confusion can build.

Perhaps without intending, you construct ideas, narratives, stories, or even lies about your spouse. This is common for humans. We like to fill in the missing pieces. However, letting your imagination run wild can be catastrophic in your marriage.

Suddenly, you think your spouse can read your mind. (They can’t.) Or you believe you can read their mind. (You also can’t.)

As a result, you fill in the story with inaccurate information.

Here’s what happens: massive disconnection occurs between the two of you.

You might experience increased arguments instead of peace. You make assumptions, get frustrated, or even question the future of your marriage.

And these aren’t unique experiences. Nearly every couple in the ONE Family has felt confused by what their spouse did or didn’t say.

You’ve probably experienced it both ways. For example, you made up a story because of something your spouse said (or didn’t say), and they did the same about you. It could be about work, kids, in-laws, responsibilities, or anything else.

Unfortunately, the lack of communication can lead to feelings of rejection, silent treatment, and conflict.

Most times, confusion is not helpful to your marriage. The good news is that you have a choice in whether you bring confusion or clarity to your relationship.

In fact, the words you say and the time you set aside to communicate with your spouse are entirely under your control.

Communication and emotional intimacy are the workhorse of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. That’s because your verbal and nonverbal communication and what you communicate about affect every area of your marriage.

So how can you change course when your imagination runs wild?

The next time you sense yourself creating an award-winning story in your brain, talk to your spouse. Ask clarifying questions during a conversation. For example, say, “I don’t want to misunderstand you. This is what I heard. Is that what you meant?”

When you feel confused by something, don’t stay in the place of confusion. Instead, choose to address things in a new way.

Be patient with your spouse and practice being an active listener. Recognize that you both might see the situation differently.

It’s also a good idea to avoid discussing certain topics when you’re tired, such as late at night.

It’s far more harmful to under-communicate than over-communicate, so schedule frequent walk-and-talks to strengthen your emotional intimacy and learn what’s going on with your spouse.

If you’re having trouble getting started, schedule counseling or apply for marriage coaching.

Don’t let your marriage experience another day of unnecessary confusion. Choose to build your communication skills and strengthen your emotional intimacy starting today.


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