“There’s only one thing more precious than our time and that’s who we spend it on.—Leo Christopher


You’re busy. You don’t feel you have the time or energy to plan dates with your spouse or set aside time for recreational intimacy. 

During these busy seasons, what would your marriage look like if you made time for your spouse rather than trying to find time? 

Micro-dating is an awesome way to redefine recreational intimacy and keep your marriage strong even when your schedule is maxed out. 

Late August and Early September often look like January. You’re getting back into the swing of your usual routine, setting goals, and assigning tasks. Before you know it, your schedule is completely covered with appointments and activities. 

There’s a general sense of having lots to do and no time to do it. In fact, dating your spouse might be the last thing on your mind. 

If you’re not careful, you’ll get to the holiday season in a few months and think, “When did we last spend any time together?” 

Ultimately, recreational intimacy is all about what the two of you do for fun. And this pillar is as important as any of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®

Being intentional about recreational intimacy boosts the closeness and connection (in other words, intimacy) you feel with your spouse. On the flip side, dismissing recreational intimacy can cause long-term harm to your relationship. 

Anyone can use their busy schedule as an excuse. 

For example, if you’re a parent of school-aged children, you might feel overwhelmed by extracurricular activities and school projects. As a result, you keep saying you’ll find time for your spouse when the kids are older or out of the house. 

Yet there are also plenty of empty nesters who have an abundance of time for their spouse but still struggle to make recreational intimacy a priority. 

The truth is extraordinary couples don’t let their schedule define what their marriage will look like. Instead, they define what their marriage will look like themselves. 

Recreational intimacy doesn’t have a specific formula you have to follow. A date doesn’t have to last two or three hours to be considered a real date. 

Whether you call it micro-dating, mini-dating, or something else entirely, you can still pursue recreational intimacy with your spouse when you’re a little short on time. 

The first step is to define what recreational intimacy looks like for the two of you. 

Decide what counts as a date. Since the base definition of recreational intimacy is to spend time together doing activities and having fun, what falls into that bucket for you? 

Next, look at your calendar and find small windows of time that you can set aside for each other. Is it 15 minutes in the morning? A quick 30-minute lunch date? Do whatever you have to do to schedule your marriage in those short pockets of time! 

Then commit to keep your marriage on the calendar. If something comes up and you have to reschedule your micro-date, follow through on rescheduling it. In other words, get the micro-date back on the calendar immediately. 

Something else to consider is that you’ll get the most out of micro-dating when you are fully present. This means putting the phone away, turning off the TV, or shutting the laptop. 

You only have a small pocket of time with your spouse, so don’t waste it.

To get you started on micro-dating, here are some ideas to consider. 

  • When your kids are at practice, get takeout and have a picnic on the sidelines or in your car. 
  • Grab some coffee or an appetizer together to connect without having to order a full meal. 
  • Keep conversation cards in the glove box or your purse. 
  • Have a micro-date with pizza and a card game after you put the kids to bed. 
  • Work out together. 
  • Spend 30 minutes in your backyard talking about your goals and dreams for the rest of the year. 
  • Go on a walk around the neighborhood and talk. 
  • Turn on a romantic playlist or your favorite song and dance together for a few minutes. 
  • FaceTime each other. 
  • Cook dinner (or another meal) together.
  • Get more ideas and examples with the Date Night Done Right Guide.

One of the best-kept secrets about marriage is that you can accomplish this in less time than you think if you are intentional and consistent with it. 

Don’t let the rest of this year pass you by. Have the conversation today with your spouse about how you can begin micro-dating to keep your intimacy strong.


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