771: THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT IS ON

“If you ignore the warning signs, a tragedy awaits you ahead.” —Cory Herndon

The check engine light in a car can mean many things, from a small problem to something serious. In the same way, there are moments in marriage when the check engine light comes on. 

If you take swift action and diagnose the issue, you can save yourself a lot of time and hurt. 

On the other hand, ignoring the check engine light can be disastrous. 

Where do you begin? 

First, consider why a check engine light comes on. 

The light on the dashboard tells you to get your car checked as soon as possible. It could signify any kind of issue, from a simple loose gas cap to a seriously misfiring engine. There are likely also sights or sounds that tell you something isn’t quite right. 

The same is true in marriage. 

The check engine light in your relationship might look like increasing criticism, pessimism, sarcasm, or anger. There might be more disconnection or isolation between the two of you. 

When something isn’t right in your marriage, you might experience more silence or lingering awkwardness. Or maybe there are cracks in any of your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. 

In these scenarios, the check engine light is on. 

As with a car, the problem might have a simple fix. Maybe there’s slight irritation or a misunderstanding between the two of you. Alternatively, the example above could signify something major. 

Next, remember that when the check engine light comes on, you are supposed to get the car checked as soon as possible. Again, the same is true in marriage. 

Don’t ignore the warning signs in your marriage. Dig deeper into the issues through conversation or marriage coaching. 

When the light comes on it your car, it’s because the computer found a problem in the electronic control system that it can’t correct on its own. Similarly, if the warning lights have come on in your marriage, you might need third-party help to address the situation. 

Finally, the car’s computer stores the trouble code in its memory. Your marriage check engine light does the same if you don’t take action to resolve issues. The “trouble code” will remain on file in your marriage until you address it. 

Now, a check engine light doesn’t mean that everything is going to blow up. But if you ignore every warning sign, you risk tragedy. 

Fortunately, there are actions you can take individually and as a couple. 

For example, look for a serious problem that requires immediate attention. If it’s obvious, take care of it right away. 

If the check engine light is on in your marriage because of something small, you could fix it with a walk and talk, a date night, more intentional communication, and so on. 

Another solution is to reduce speed and load. In marriage, that might look like minimizing your commitments so you can slow down and spend more time with your spouse. 

You can also use built-in diagnostic services. For instance, ask questions of your spouse and yourself to figure out what’s been building up and what you need to do about it. 

Don’t wait to take action when the check engine light comes on in your marriage. Discuss things with your spouse, look for solutions, or seek outside help, such as therapy, counseling, or marriage coaching.

You have the power to do something about it.

Resources

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Conflict Resolution: The Secret to Breaking the Conflict Cycle in Your Marriage

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