“Variety is the spice of LOVE.—Helen Rowland

 variety of positions

The average couple rotates between just two to four sexual intimacy positions. 

While those same few positions might get the job done, they can become boring after many years of marriage. 

Even worse, the monotony can cause you to disengage in this crucial pillar of intimacy. 

Fortunately, there are subtle shifts you can make to your positions to increase the variety. As a result, you can renew excitement and anticipation in your sexual intimacy. 

Especially when it comes to sex positions, it’s important to know what works and what doesn’t for the two of you. 

However, many couples fall into the trap of finding something that works and never continuing to explore other options. 

It’s like eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch every day. It curbs your hunger and tastes good. But eventually, you’ll stop looking forward to it. 

Since sexual intimacy is vital to your marriage, you need to be intentional about it. Sex is so much more than something to cross off your to-do list. 

Pause for a moment and think about whether there is variety in the positions you two engage in. Is this something you have talked about? When it comes up, how do the conversations go? 

Emotional intimacy is the workhorse of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, so you will need to engage this pillar when approaching sexual intimacy conversations. 

You each must be willing to share your thoughts and feelings about trying a variety of positions to keep your sexual intimacy strong. 

The timing of your conversations also matters. 

Bringing up these discussions in the middle of sex might not go over well. Instead, talk with your spouse about using a variety of positions before you engage in sexual intimacy. 

With this approach, you can address concerns and questions without the pressure of being in the middle of the act. 

Keep in mind that you don’t have to make dramatic changes in order to use a variety of positions. Even small shifts can make a big difference. 

For example, add a pillow or wedge to your go-to sexual position. A slight change in angle can enhance the experience. 

Each sex position has plenty of variations. Mixing up your favorite positions is a great way to remain intentional about your sexual intimacy. 

Remember, you can always go back to your favorite position to achieve orgasm. But don’t limit yourselves to those specific positions all the time. 

Instead, put more energy, time, and emotional resources into your sex life by exploring new takes of your favorite positions—or try an entirely new position! 

When there is a lack of variety in your sex positions, it is often because sexual intimacy is low on your priority list. So, take the time to experiment with subtle shifts or adjustments to expand your list of positions. 

Perhaps you want to mix things up, but your spouse is hesitant or uninterested. If that’s the case, you’ll first need to consider what you can do. 

To start, take action in all areas of sexual intimacy, not just intercourse. In other words, prioritize romance, initiation, and foreplay, too. 

If your spouse still isn’t on board, talk about what is holding them back. From insecurities or upbringings to unresolved sexual trauma, there could be a variety of reasons your spouse isn’t open to trying new positions. 

Have an honest conversation with each other and address whatever deeper issues arise. 

When your sexual intimacy includes a variety of positions, you and your spouse can experience more excitement, closeness, and connection. In short, you’ll experience deeper intimacy. 

This week, give yourselves permission to try a variety of positions. You can always come back to what works. But don’t miss out on discovering something new!


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