779: WIVES NEED COMMUNITY

“We are more powerful when we empower one another.—Anonymous

Although you and your spouse become “one” on your wedding day, you are still very much individuals. You still need external friendships, support, and community.

Often, there’s an assumption that wives always have the community they need.

Women may have more acquaintances than their husbands. They might be more involved in activities alongside other women. Or maybe they strike up conversations more easily.

However, there’s a difference between knowing lots of people and being in community with them.

For both husbands and wives, community is essential.

But it’s time for wives to prioritize being in community with other married women who can support and encourage them to go after an extraordinary marriage.

When you, as a wife, don’t have a strong community, a few things happen.

First, you might start to expect your husband to meet all of your emotional needs.

Trying to find all of your fulfillment in your spouse can lead to disappointment, resentment, and codependency. Your spouse cannot meet all of your needs. And you can’t meet all of their needs.

Instead, you can find support and encouragement from other friendships and community.

Emotional intimacy is not only an important pillar of marriage; it is a core aspect of all deep relationships, especially within a community of other wives.

Emotional intimacy is when you can connect with others through your thoughts, dreams, and values. It is characterized by trust, honesty, and vulnerability.

When you have a strong community of other wives, you can experience a different kind of emotional intimacy that helps you experience a more vibrant life.

The second thing that can happen when you don’t have a community of other wives is that you lack a safe space to process certain things you’re dealing with. As a result, you might question whether what you’re experiencing is normal.

While your husband might be willing to listen, there are some experiences he cannot understand, especially regarding physical and emotional changes.

You need a community of other women who know what you’re going through and can help guide you toward resources and support.

Another thing that can happen when you don’t have a community is that you begin to isolate yourself.

Understandably, you might be hesitant to become friends with other wives, especially if you have experienced mean or catty friends before. However, it’s also important to take a step of faith and build community for yourself. The benefits far outweigh the cons.

Of course, if you encounter other wives speaking poorly of their husbands or bashing marriage, remove yourself from that environment.

When wives are part of a supportive and encouraging community, marriages around the world begin to change. You can not only receive support and wisdom from wives who have been in your shoes, but you can also share your wisdom with others.

Wives, take action to get yourself into a community where you can be yourself. Your first step might be admitting that you need friends and a supportive community. Once you recognize that, pursue it.

Husbands, you have a role to play, too. You can encourage her to find a community and spend time with other wives.

But you can do more than simply tell her to be part of a community. Help make it possible for her.

For example, take the kids to the park so she can invite a friend over for coffee. Offer to tackle some things on her to-do list so she has time to attend a women’s conference. Or make room in the budget for her to take a weekend trip with other wives.

Community is a non-negotiable if you want to experience a fulfilling life.

It can be hard to be vulnerable with others, but your community is the place where you can celebrate your biggest victories, learn from other wives, and create relationships that will support you and your spouse through your hardest times.

Ultimately, community will strengthen your marriage because it will help you show up as your best self for your spouse.

Resources

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369: Men Need Friends

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