780: GET YOUR MARRIAGE ON THE CALENDAR

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” —Stephen Covey

What’s keeping you from getting your marriage on the calendar? Understandably, November is a busy season. But there are times all throughout the year when prioritizing your marriage takes extra effort. 

There are a lot of good things that compete for attention on your calendar. However, all of your plans and responsibilities can cause disconnection between you and your spouse. 

During busy seasons, you might be running in two different directions. Or, you’re spending time together completing tasks instead of truly connecting. 

There is no better time than now to get your marriage on the calendar. Fortunately, there are six simple steps you can take today to make it happen. 

Pause for a moment and think about all the things on your calendar for the next two months. There’s probably a lot of stuff. 

From visiting relatives to attending parties or planning your own holiday celebrations, your schedule is booked. But is your most important relationship (your spouse!) on the calendar? 

If not, you might need to take a harder look at your priorities. 

On your wedding day, the two of you made vows. One of those vows was likely “To have and to hold.” Well, you have to spend quality time together to do those things. It’s something you have to create space for. 

This challenge doesn’t just appear around the holidays. There are plenty of life seasons where you and your spouse can both be so busy. 

Perhaps it’s a season where you are trying new hobbies or developing friendships. You might be pursuing a new career or building a business. Volunteer opportunities might fill up space on the calendar. 

These things are all necessary for a well-rounded life; however, they can quickly become destructive if they take away your opportunities for connection as a couple. 

Especially during the holidays, there are lots of things that can create division instead of connection.

There’s holiday chaos, extended family, travel, lack of sleep, money conversations, and much more. When these things get in the way of connection, it can create cracks in your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. 

You might feel more lonely, overwhelmed, and stressed. The two of you might have less sex or feel you’re walking on eggshells around each other. Exhaustion and miscommunication can lead to conflict. 

This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. So why does it feel so hard? 

The truth is that you can control what your life looks like in this season, and it all starts with being intentional to get your marriage on the calendar. 

Here are six steps you can take to make the shift:

First, start saying no. 

“No” is a complete sentence. During busy seasons, you may have to choose your spouse over the countless other things that come your way. 

Talk with your spouse about what upcoming events or obligations need to stay on the calendar and which can go away. This is the first step in making sure you can always say yes to what matters most: your marriage. 

Second, make sure you and your spouse both know what is on the calendar. Create a shared calendar, whether paper or digital. Then, make sure you are each checking it regularly.

Third, put sex on the calendar. When you talk openly about what you want your sex life to be like during busy seasons, you can ensure your emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy remain strong.  

Fourth, make sure your recreational intimacy is on the calendar. Pick a day each week for dates or plan a mini getaway to help the two of you reconnect amid the holiday craziness. 

Fifth, take a Coffee Break. This is like a business meeting for your marriage, where you discuss everything from love to logistics.

Put 30 minutes on the calendar to talk about what’s coming up in the next week. When you have a set time for a Coffee Break, you can’t sweep issues under the rug all season long. At maximum, there will be seven days before you have to confront any lingering problems or concerns. 

Finally, be intentional to put other pillars of intimacy on your calendar, from financial intimacy to spiritual intimacy and everything else. 

That might mean putting a budget check-in on your calendar. Or schedule time for a daily devotional. Even a back massage could go on the calendar. 

Ultimately, you have control of your schedule. Be careful not to fill up your calendar too much this season. Instead, leave space for you and your spouse to connect in new and enjoyable ways. 

Resources

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Monthly Planner

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