“There is never a reason to fight about money. Money can always be made but hurtful words can never be taken back.—Anonymous

money fights

Is money a source of conflict for you and your spouse? Many couples struggle to talk about finances in the right way.

As a result, money fights become the norm—leaving a path of destruction and disconnection in their wake.

Over time, those money fights will impact more than just your Financial Intimacy Pillar. They can weaken your emotional intimacy, recreational intimacy, sexual intimacy, and more.

It’s time to end the tug-of-war between marriage and money. You have to take action to avoid becoming part of the divorce statistic around money.

Nothing says that couples can’t figure out how to be financially intimate. In fact, it’s part of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® for a reason.

Financial intimacy is about money. But it’s more than just “Let’s talk about the budget.” Financial intimacy requires you to be close and connected in every financial aspect of your marriage.

Yes, it’s about having a plan for your day-to-day, but you also need to communicate about different accounts, insurances, retirement plans, and the creation of an estate plan.

It might seem simple enough. So why is this so difficult for couples?

On the one hand, you are two different people. You likely have two different money mindsets. You learned about money from the people around you, and you practiced using money differently as you aged.

On the other hand, money is not simply dollars and cents. Money is also emotional.

Often, it’s these emotions that lead to money fights, increased stress, and the potential for financial infidelity, broken trust, and even divorce.

When money fights occur regularly and you struggle to have constructive conversations about your finances, cracks can form in all of your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. Remember, it’s not just about the money.

The emotions around finances can lead to less physical touch, less time doing fun things together, and less sex because one or both of you are stressed. You might even find that the increased stress and disconnection leads to less spiritual connection, as well.

Many couples think these dysfunctional conflict cycles are normal. They don’t realize there are different ways to approach money conversations!

If you want to experience an extraordinary marriage, you’ll have to try a new approach.

Here are five things you can try to overcome money fights in your marriage:

First, schedule regular money meetings.

Set aside time regularly to discuss all financial matters. If you need to start small, look over your weekly spending or plan a budget for the month. Eventually, incorporate other topics such as life insurance, retirement, or college savings.

It might take a little while before you get on the same page about all of your financial matters, so give it time.

Second, get to know how your spouse views and handles money. If they need frequent breaks during money conversations, plan for small meetings. If they get overwhelmed with spreadsheets, find ways to present the information more easily.

Third, address debt as a team. Debt can weigh you down and lead to even more arguments about money. Act like a team and create a plan to tackle debt together.

Fourth, learn to compromise. As you pursue your money goals, there will likely need to be some give and take. Make sure you communicate your desires, share your accounts, and get on the same page about your plans. Remember, you’ll need to compromise more often than not!

Finally, recognize that you can keep money fights from pulling you apart. Begin by incorporating the strategies above. If you can’t break the cycles of conflict on your own, get help.

Read The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Conflict Resolution: The Secret to Breaking the Conflict Cycle in Your Marriage. You can also apply for marriage coaching.

Money fights cause many couples to consider divorce. Dare to be different instead of becoming part of that statistic! Get serious about your financial intimacy as you create the extraordinary marriage you desire.


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