“Seduction is not about overpowering. It’s about understanding and captivating.—Esther Perel

seductive beginnings

Do you want to level up your sexual intimacy? Then the beginning is a perfect place to start. 

Consider how you begin your sexual intimacy. Is there flirtation, seduction, desire? 

Seductive beginnings can increase feelings of arousal and anticipation. It’s characterized by being alluring and tempting. 

However, these flirtatious behaviors can disappear over the years if you’re not careful. As a result, romance becomes rushed, and initiation loses its excitement. 

To revamp your sexual intimacy, you have to discover what is meaningful to your spouse by asking a specific question: What is meaningful to you when it comes to romance, initiating, and foreplay? 

You likely enjoy it when your sexual intimacy feels flirtatious and alluring. But are you doing the things necessary to make it that way? 

Many couples fall into the pattern of cutting to the chase.

They ask the straightforward question, “Hey, want to have sex?” Or one spouse’s fingers crawl across the bed to signal initiation. 

Sure, it might get the message across. In fact, it might even lead to great sexual encounters. But is this creating a deep sexual intimacy between the two of you? 

These approaches are worth keeping in your marriage toolbox. However, they aren’t always helpful if you want to experience seductive beginnings. 

Instead, you need to expand your repertoire of romance, initiation, and foreplay. 

The secret is to learn what captivates your spouse. 

So you need to get good at asking this question:  What is meaningful to you when it comes to romance, initiating, and foreplay? 

Keep in mind that your spouse’s answer will likely be different than your own. Even more, your answers will likely change throughout the years! 

It’s important to know your spouse’s answer because sexual intimacy is about more than just sex. That grand finale can be even more amazing with intentional romance, initiation, and foreplay. 

Meaningful romance might look like: 

  • Deep conversation
  • Caressing your face or other body parts
  • Planning ahead for a surprise getaway
  • Praying for and with your spouse
  • Date night without the kids
  • Wearing lingerie
  • Sending flirty text messages

For initiation, meaningful actions might be: 

  • Purchasing a new sex toy to use together
  • Sending love letters and seductive messages
  • Undressing your spouse
  • Trying out a new code to let the other know when you are in the mood
  • Giving your spouse a massage
  • Showing a bit of public affection

Meaningful foreplay might look like: 

  • Taking turns undressing each other
  • Incorporating silk ties or blindfolds 
  • Gliding ice over your spouse’s skin 
  • Giving and receiving oral sex
  • Getting steamy in the shower together 

Ultimately, the actions that create the most seductive beginnings are the ones that are meaningful to your spouse. But you won’t know until you ask them. 

The 19 Questions to Amazing Sex marriage guide can help you get started. Not only does it give you conversation prompts, but it helps guide the two of you through this crucial conversation. 

Remember, seduction, by its very definition, requires effort and intentionality. To create those alluring or tempting qualities, you have to take action. 

The conversation is the first step. Then, you can shift your focus to all the acts that lead up to sexual intercourse. You’ll experience deeper sexual intimacy in the process! 

So don’t resort to the typical “Let’s have sex” approach. Instead, get intentional. Focus on seductive beginnings and watch the magic happen! 


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