“In any conflict, be sure you know what you really want and whether what you are doing is actually helping you get there.—Anonymous

marital conflict

Marriage is two different people coming together to become one. As a result, marital conflict is inevitable. The good news is that you can choose how you handle conflict and move forward.

What you can’t do is push everything under the rug.

Conflict becomes destructive when it’s repetitive and without resolution. If you don’t do anything to unpack your marital conflict, you’re inviting disaster and disconnection into your relationship.

Yes, you and your spouse will certainly have differences. But you can break the conflict cycle in your marriage.

The key is knowing where to start.

Maybe you didn’t experience too much conflict during your dating years. Things came up, but you worked through them.

But then life happened.

Among the ONE Family, couples fight about plenty of things, from miscommunication to insecurities, money, family boundaries, phone addictions, and more.

There are a thousand different ways that you two view and do things. And those differences often cause conflict.

Conflict can quickly disconnect you when there are hurtful words, loud voices, unending conversations, the silent treatment, and so on. It can feel like you’re on a spinning hamster wheel of conflict. You just want to get off!

The impact of repetitive conflict on a marriage is real.

Couples in the ONE Family share that conflict leads to resentment, frustration, disconnection, depression, and a lack of trust. Constant fighting will limit your emotional intimacy, recreational intimacy, sexual intimacy, and more.

But you do not have to stay in those dysfunctional conflict cycles. There are new ways you can approach marital conflict.

First, understand that you are not alone. There are countless couples who have been in your shoes. The ones who broke their dysfunctional marital conflict cycles did so by making a choice to change.

Second, recognize that there are usually different degrees of conflict. Minor disagreements about the temperature or radio volume probably won’t wreck your intimacy. It’s the larger conflicts, however, that need to be addressed.

Also, keep in mind that having the same fight won’t change anything. Instead, you have to disrupt your current conflict patterns and try something new.

That’s where understanding yourself and your spouse come into play.

You can make huge changes when you understand your own behaviors. For example, what did you learn about marital conflict growing up and how does it impact you now? Or why do you continue to repeat behaviors that get you nowhere?

For your spouse, you can ask questions to better understand their responses to conflict and what triggers them.

Ultimately, you need to adopt a “What Can I Do?” attitude if you want to experience a breakthrough. Get curious about your spouse.

Then look at your conflict cycle and discover where you can interrupt it. Writing down your typical conflict cycle can be extremely helpful in pinpointing what you can do differently.

Remember, conflict may be inevitable, but it does not have to be destructive. The two of you can break the dysfunctional cycles in your marriage.

If you need personal help to address marital conflict, apply for marriage coaching today.


The Conflict Cycle Workshop

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