Husbands and wives don’t think alike all the time. Do you agree with us?
Because you don’t think exactly alike it is not uncommon for you and your spouse to be on different playing fields when it comes to your communication styles.
By communicating in a new way you will keep the flames of love, laughter, and intimacy in your marriage growing as you connect at a deeper level.
Your communication styles may be impacting you more than you realize right now. If so, you and your spouse need to take time to revive your emotional intimacy starting today!
To do this both of you need to be patient with each other and persistent to learning how each of you communicates. It’s going to take work on both of your parts to learn how to communicate effectively.
It doesn’t happen overnight and it won’t get better if you don’t start from where you are right now.
Be ready to stretch yourself as you start to break away from old communication habits.
As you learn how-to better listen to your spouse, make sure to reiterate what has been said to you, and break down the walls that you have put up.
By doing this you can openly discuss the issues you both face. Get ready because it is time to revive the emotional intimacy your marriage.
8 Skills to Revive Your Communication
You will find that practicing these 8 skills will increase your connection with your spouse and it is for sure to spill over into your bedroom. It has been 6 years since we started putting each of these into practice in our marriage. We’re so thrilled that we have because after 17 years of marriage we are closer emotionally and sexually than ever before.
Schedule Time to Talk
This is of the highest priority! Both of you need to choose a time during your week when it is best for your schedule. Don’t try and do this right before bed when you are tired or when a football game is on. Set yourselves up for success. You both may need to get up early in the morning, after the kids go to bed, or while taking a drive on the weekend. Write these dates on your calendar and keep to them. You wouldn’t back out on a doctors appointment for your kid?
Grow Your Communication Skills
We commend you because you are doing just that by reading this post. Reading books, listening to audio programs, podcasts, watching videos, or hiring a coach are all ways that you can expand your communication skills. Some of the techniques you will try will work wonderfully and others will not. Move forward with what does work and continue to learn new ways to increase your emotional intimacy.
Listen More Than You Talk
There are times when you need to remember that you were given two ears for a reason. The reason being that you should listen twice as much as you are talking. Be an active listener during this time. Don’t look at your phone, or iPad, computer, Kindle, or anything else for that matter. Put all of your attention into your spouse so that they know you are interested in what is happening with them.
One Point at a Time
Stick to one topic per session. We know this can be tough and yet when the both of you focus in on one topic each of you will be more engaged. Jumping from topic to topic will cause your spouse to disengage and zone out quicker than you can get your point across. Stay focused. You can do it!
Keep it Short and Simple
When the conversation goes on and on and on I begin to zone out. This isn’t a good place to be when you reviving your communication. Alisa can sometimes be like the Energizer Bunny and I’m not tracking her. It is during these times I need to nicely ask Alisa to make her point so that we can quickly address the issue at hand. Don’t be the Energizer Bunny. Stay focused and keep your point short and simple.
Body Language Speaks Volumes
Take stock of how you have positioned yourself. Your non-verbal cues speak loud and clear to your spouse if you are engaged in the conversation or not. Are your arms crossed? Are you avoiding eye contact? Are you pacing around? Each of these will hinder your ability to connect while you revive your communication.
Use “I” Statements to Express Yourself
Do you want your spouse to get defensive and check out of the conversation? If you do then use “You” statements. You statements put your spouse on the defense and they are quick to defend their stance. Statements such as, “You never listen to me” or “Why can’t you…” would put you on your heals, right? Instead turn these statements to “I” statement. An example of this is, “I get irritated when we talk because I need more attention from you”.
This is one of the tougher ones in our opinion. Work on rewording how you say speak to your spouse. If it helps, write down what you want to say so that it comes out clearly.
Encourage One Another
Learning a skill such as communicating better together takes time and encouragement. Make it a point to tell each other how opening up and sharing deep intimate issues are fostering a strong bond. Don’t forget to use other forms of communications, letters, text, email, etc after you’ve had a communication session to encourage your spouse. This will keep them coming back for more.
Take each of these and begin practicing them regularly when you are in conversation with your spouse. Not only is the deeper emotional connection going to prosper, but the time together will overflow into your bedroom too.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out He Zigs, She Zags: Get Your Communication on the Same Path today!