What does your bedtime routine look like with your spouse?


Each night, you have the opportunity to reconnect with your spouse as you get ready for bed. From taking off your clothes and brushing your teeth to sliding under the covers, every moment is a chance to deepen your intimacy.

Creating a bedtime routine as a couple can have powerful effects on the strength of your marriage. It sets an expectation for connection.

Here are eight creative ways to restore your closeness and connection at the end of the day through a bedtime routine.

8 Things to Add to Your Bedtime Routine

1. Put Your Phone Away

If you are like 90% of the ONE Family, you have a smart device in your bedroom, whether it’s your phone, tablet, TV, or computer.

Devices like these can negatively affect your sleep when used shortly before bedtime. For instance, the blue light from devices suppresses the natural production of melatonin, the hormone that helps you wind down for sleep.

Even worse, they steal attention away from your spouse.

For the sake of your sleep quality (and your marriage), put the phone away when you’re getting ready for bed.

To help minimize the distraction of your phone, plug it in to charge outside the bedroom, turn it to airplane mode, or shut it off completely.

Your spouse is your top priority. So put the phone away and focus on them during your bedtime routine.

2. Try Going to Bed at the Same Time

According to a 2019 poll of the ONE Family, 75% of you go to sleep at the same time as your spouse.

Of course, there might be occasions when it’s not possible, but going to bed at the same time is a great way to ensure you are spending intentional, quality time together as husband and wife.

But what if one of you works the night shift? Or you prefer staying up later than your spouse?

In those instances, find other routines in your daily life when you can connect. If you can’t go to bed at the same time, go for a walk-and-talk at some point during the day. Schedule sex for times that will work for the two of you.

However, if going to bed at the same time is possible but you’re not currently doing it, have a conversation about why that is.

There are many reasons why three-fourths of the ONE Family go to bed at the same time as their spouse. It’s a great time to be alone as spouses and reconnect. So don’t let this daily opportunity pass you by!

3. Kiss and Cuddle

Physical intimacy is a vital pillar for a strong and beautiful marriage.

However, couples often confuse this pillar with sexual intimacy. In reality, physical intimacy is the loving, non-sexual touches you share with each other.

Your bedtime routine is a great opportunity to strengthen physical intimacy through sweet kisses, caresses, and cuddling. While these activities can sometimes lead to sexual intimacy, they don’t always have to.

You might kiss and cuddle in bed at the beginning of your bedtime routine, or it could be the final component before you fall asleep.

If you’re sleeping naked (which many couples in the ONE Family love to do!), you can easily cuddle naked, which has several benefits for your health and relationship.

4. Make Time for Spiritual Intimacy

Another intimacy you can add to your bedtime routine is spiritual intimacy.

Whether you read a brief devotional before bed, pray together, listen to worship music, or something else, you can easily incorporate this pillar of intimacy as you wind down for the night.

Spiritual intimacy doesn’t have to be reserved for one day of the week. In fact, it shouldn’t be!

By adding a spiritual component to your bedtime routine, you can continue to deepen your spiritual intimacy as a couple day by day.

5. Have Sex

Many couples tend to engage in sexual intimacy in the evenings. Who can blame them? It’s a great time to be alone and connect sexually with fewer possibilities of interruption.

Now, intercourse might not be part of your nightly bedtime routine, but you can no doubt incorporate elements of sexual intimacy into your routine on all or most evenings.

First, you must expand your definition of sexual intimacy.

It’s more than just sex. Sexual intimacy also includes romance, initiation, and foreplay.

So get creative about how to strengthen each aspect of sexual intimacy throughout your bedtime routines.

For example, you could choose to focus on romance or foreplay for a particular evening. It doesn’t have to end with intercourse to count as sexual intimacy. With this in mind, you can make it part of your daily bedtime routine!

6. Shower Together

Showering together as a couple is an incredible way to strengthen multiple intimacies at once, from emotional to physical and beyond.

If you’re already showering individually in the evening, why not have some overlap where one of you hops in before the other hops out?

This is a great opportunity to wash off the stress of the day and reconnect with your partner in private.

Not only are you physically close, but you are also without digital distractions. It creates the ideal environment to deepen your emotional and physical intimacy.

Of course, it could also help the two of you get in the mood for sexual intimacy, whether in the shower or shortly afterward. Don’t underestimate the power of the shower!

7. Give Each Other Massages

What better way to relax and get ready for sleep than with the gentle strokes of your spouse’s hand on your body?

From full-body massage to a simple back or foot rub, incorporating massages into your bedtime routine is another great way to deepen your physical intimacy.

With so much of the body to explore, you can switch up areas each night.

One evening, you might give each other shoulder massages. The next night, you might focus on scalp or face massages. Alternatively, you could give hand or foot massages. The options are endless!

As you massage, you also have a great opportunity to connect emotionally as you share the things that are on your mind.

8. Talk About Your Days

Finally, no bedtime routine would be complete without emotional intimacy.

As you and your spouse go about your days, you are constantly facing new experiences. They could be stressful, exciting, overwhelming, heart-warming, and anything in between.

Sharing these experiences with your spouse through conversation is a powerful way to connect. You can continue learning about your spouse since they grow each day.

You can also use your bedtime routine to prepare for the next day. Offer your spouse help or support if they are going into a hard day. Thank or compliment them on something.

The conversations you have during your bedtime routine can set the two of you up for success the following day.

Create the Best Bedroom for Your Bedtime Routine

Bedtime is prime time when it comes to growing your marriage! So make sure your bedroom has the right environment to deepen your closeness and connection (in other words, intimacy) as a couple.

From sound machines to salt lamps, the items in your room can have a profound impact on your ability to connect. Soft lighting and space heaters can set the scene for deeper emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, and more.

Check out our favorite bedroom items here and add something special to your bedtime routine.

Watch the video below to rekindle the spark and restore the connection in your marriage today!

In the 6 Pillars of Intimacy®, you will discover secrets that have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo's proven approach to building intimacy in marriage will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your spouse – starting today. Click HERE to get your copy today!

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