802: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT…OR DOES IT

“You practice and you get better. It’s that simple.—Philip Glass

practice makes perfect

You probably grew up hearing the phrase, “Practice makes perfect.” But what if this mindset is actually robbing you of deeper intimacy? 

In marriage, you’ll never experience perfection. You and your spouse are both humans. You make mistakes. But that doesn’t mean you should never try to improve things, especially when it comes to your sexual intimacy! 

Instead of “practice makes perfect,” imagine what could happen if you approached your marriage with a “practice makes better” mentality. 

Plenty of couples find themselves not having sex very often. When that’s the case, there can be a lot of pressure on each encounter to be absolutely amazing. And if it’s not, it disappoints one or both spouses. 

In reality, not every sexual encounter in marriage is amazing, but you can’t learn what works (or what doesn’t) if you aren’t practicing enough. In other words, you can’t get better if you don’t at least try. 

You might be thinking to yourself, “I shouldn’t have to try,” or “It shouldn’t take practice.” 

It’s a myth that marriage doesn’t require practice. It does, especially if you want yours to be extraordinary. 

Remember, it’s not about making your marriage perfect. Instead, it’s about improving an area of your marriage—and that takes practice. 

In your marriage, “better” might look like: 

Ultimately, it’s about figuring out how the two of you can have the best sexual encounter. 

Of course, there are plenty of things that can keep you from practicing: kids, work, busy schedules, body image issues, exhaustion, pornography addiction, poor communication, and so on. 

But when you look at the list of things keeping you from practicing, it’s clear that you can do something about it. Yes, it will require intentionality. It might take several attempts before things become more comfortable or it feels like things are improving. 

On the other side of your practice is a stronger relationship. 

So here are your next steps. 

First, decide what you would like to practice, such as new positions, new ways of initiating, different ways to give pleasure, or exploring your different preferences. 

Second, figure out what practice looks like. Talk with your spouse about how and where you will practice. What can you commit to? 

Finally, ask yourself if you are willing to do what it takes, over and over again, for the sake of your connection and your marriage. 

Extraordinary marriages don’t become extraordinary all on their own. It requires deliberate practice from both of you, working together as a team, to make it happen. 

Remember, you aren’t aiming for perfection but for improvement.

Find an area of your marriage that you want to strengthen and go practice. (P.S. Don’t forget to have fun during the process!)

Resources

19 Questions to Amazing Sex Marriage Guide

Position Pack (10 Position Paper Guides)

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