805: MAKE YOUR OWN RULES WHEN IT COMES TO SCHEDULING SEX

“It’s your game, make up your own rules.—Barbara Corcoran

scheduling sex

It’s your marriage. Come together to make your own rules, especially when it comes to scheduling sex! 

Ideas and suggestions for better intimacy can only go so far. Eventually, it’s up to the two of you to find out what works best.

Different ages and stages of marriage introduce new obstacles. Staying open-minded about sex helps you keep your sexual intimacy strong no matter the circumstances. 

The key is knowing how to make your own rules when it comes to scheduling sex. 

Every marriage is different. While some couples struggle with challenges like rejection or low libidos, other couples might find a rhythm quickly. 

Or consider other scenarios. For instance, adding children to the mix can throw off the intimacy schedule you had as newlyweds. On the other hand, intense work schedules might limit how often the two of you are even in the same room together. 

If you don’t know how to make your own rules, your sexual intimacy can quickly become dysfunctional. As a result, neither of you initiates. You say “no” more often than “yes.” Or rejection becomes the norm instead of connection. 

That’s why you need to create your own Intimacy Lifestyle! 

The Intimacy Lifestyle is simply the rules you create together about your intimacy. In other words, it helps hold you both accountable to be active in your sexual intimacy. And the best part is that it’s 100% up to the two of you! 

For example, here are how some couples in the ONE Family would set up their Intimacy Lifestyle: 

  • Sexual intimacy twice a week: scheduled, planned, and anticipated. 
  • Lube in every room, so you’re always ready to go. 
  • A mindset that sex is always on the table.
  • Two to three times a week with a lot of variety. 

Some couples split responsibility for initiating sex down the middle: 50/50. 

Other couples find a natural rhythm of letting the high-desire spouse initiate most of the time. Of course, there may be an understanding that the low-desire spouse responds with an enthusiastic “Yes!”

You could take turns initiating each time you are intimate. Or you could assign different days or weeks to each other. You could even use a shared calendar to schedule sex!

At the end of the day, there are endless options to strengthen your sexual intimacy. But creating an Intimacy Lifestyle lays a foundation for communication, trust, and teamwork. 

Too many couples have little to no conversation about sexual intimacy. As a result, sex becomes a tug of war. There are fights about what is (or isn’t) happening in the bedroom. The Intimacy Lifestyle helps you avoid all of that.

Extraordinary couples talk about the dynamic in their marriage and know what works for them. And they actively make sexual intimacy a priority. 

Also, this isn’t a one-and-done conversation. You’ll need to revisit your Intimacy Lifestyle as you enter different stages to ensure your plan works well.

When you have these conversations, discuss: 

  • Is it one person always initiating?
  • Is it the same days every week or different days?
  • What’s the frequency that we both enjoy?
  • What do we include in our definition of sexual intimacy?

Ultimately, the key is to think about what the Intimacy Lifestyle could look like for the two of you

Resources

The 6 Pillars at Sea Marriage Getaway

140: Scheduling Sex

Ultimate Guide to the 30 Day Sex Challenge

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.

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