810: GET ON THE SAME FINANCIAL PAGE

“Money problems destroy marriages. Get on the same page with your spouse and work together toward a common goal.—Anonymous

same financial page

You might have seasons of your marriage when financial intimacy is easier to strengthen than others. 

For us, our Financial Intimacy Pillar has faced plenty of tests over the years. There was the ’08 recession, tacking debt as a couple, business launches, and more. 

Recently, our financial intimacy faced another test as we found our two kids applying to colleges at the same time

We had to deal with the financial aid craziness, FAFSA paperwork, delays, stress, and frustration. Then, the financial aid offers started coming in. And it didn’t look good—for us or our daughter. 

What do you do when you (or your kids) want something,  but the dollars just aren’t there? 

This is a conundrum plenty of couples face. Knowing how to approach these conversations and reach a decision as a team is crucial. 

You will always need to talk about money. It’s an important tool in life. But it’s more than dollars and cents. Money can be very emotional for people. 

Finances impact your family, your legacy, and your opportunities. (No pressure, right?)

On top of that, you and your spouse have your own backgrounds and experiences that influence how you view money. As a result, you probably have different opinions about what is right or wrong when it comes to your finances. 

There’s a reason finances is one of the top reasons for divorce. Trying to get on the same financial page can quickly end in conflict. 

If you don’t know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way, it will always be hard to build intimacy in any of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®

Ultimately, you have to choose to make financial intimacy a priority when you’re dealing with money issues. 

Then, you have to practice walking it out. 

Here are some tips for having those money conversations when you’re not on the same financial page. 

First, have a money meeting. One of you might be more aware of your financial situation than the other. Make sure you both have access to the numbers and information. 

Next, truly listen to your spouse’s point of view. You already know it’s different from yours; otherwise, you wouldn’t be experiencing conflict or tension. So get curious about the heart behind their opinion. 

Remember, your past experiences influence what you both want. Listen to your spouse express their desires so you can understand where they’re coming from. 

For example, is your spouse more focused on the feelings or the facts? How much time do they need to process? Getting on the same financial page means understanding these parts of your spouse. This is where emotional intimacy comes into play.  

Finally, ask yourselves, “What’s in our best interest now and into the future?”

Your money affects you and your spouse, first and foremost. You must keep your marriage the top priority throughout these conversations. 

Tackling money issues and building financial intimacy is no small feat. You have to be on the same team to do it. 

Keep in mind that these are not one-and-done conversations. Rather, your goal is to reach a level of compromise that you can both live with. 

Getting on the same page with your spouse about money is hard. But being disconnected over money and dealing with the consequences of poor decisions is also hard.

Choose your hard.

Choose to engage your financial intimacy. 

Be willing to do the work so that you can reap the rewards. 

Resources

The 6 Pillars at Sea Marriage Getaway

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Conflict Resolution: The Secret to Breaking the Conflict Cycle in Your Marriage

BOLD Wives Club

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