“Absolutely eat dessert first. The thing that you want to do the most, do that first.—Joss Whedon

dessert before dinner

Life is short! Dinner can leave you feeling tired, full, and not in the mood for sex. Why not have dessert first?

Of course, you have to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. 

Expectations around sexual intimacy should be clear to both of you. 

For example, many couples expect sex to follow a nice evening out. But when you feel uncomfortable after your evening out, you might not feel like having sex. This can lead to disappointment and frustration on both ends. 

Having sex before your date night can ease expectations and allow both of you to be fully present. 

If you’re not having this conversation before you go out, you’re missing out on deeper emotional, recreational, and sexual intimacy. 

This scenario can arise anytime, anywhere—from your typical date night routine to a romantic getaway

When you put special dates on the calendar, you might make assumptions about how sexual intimacy will factor into your time together. 

In reality, there are no rules about when you should be having sex on date nights. In fact, the rules are entirely up to you! 

So, take a minute to consider whether your current approach is working well. 

Do you enjoy following the status quo of sex after dinner? 

Or does your sexual encounter fall short because of exhaustion, upset stomachs, or built-up expectations? 

When that’s the case, it’s important to do something new. 

That “something new” won’t just happen. You need to have an intentional conversation about it, especially if you’re the couple who always has sex after dinner. 

Talk about the logistics, concerns, and benefits of having dessert (wink!) before dinner. 

Consider aspects like timing, child care, and shower plans.

Think about the pressure that comes off the meal if you are sexually intimate before the two of you go out.

You can order the heartier entree, drink, or dessert you don’t usually get. When the night is done, you can go straight to bed. 

Plus, your happy hormones will be flowing all night because you orgasmed before the date. 

Remember, you can set the rules. So you can switch things up each time. Dessert before dinner is simply another tool you can add to your marriage toolbox.


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