815: TOUCH ME IN A WAY THAT MATTERS

“Nothing is as healing as the human touch.—Bobby Fischer

touch me

“I just wish my spouse would touch me.” Based on the number of times we’ve heard this from husbands and wives in the ONE Family, chances are high you’ve thought this before. 

Physical intimacy is as important to your marriage as any of the other 6 Pillars of Intimacy®

However, the distinction between physical touch and sexual touch has become blurry over the years. As a result, it’s robbed couples of deeper connection and closeness. 

So, let’s set the record straight about physical intimacy so you can minimize friction and enjoy an extraordinary marriage. 

Both physical intimacy and sexual intimacy are crucial aspects of marriage. But only physical intimacy is something you can engage in around the clock. A simple touch here, a gentle caress there. 

Touch creates connection. 

Even if you don’t think you’re “touchy-feely (or if that’s how your spouse describes themself), physical touch is something everyone craves as humans. It has massive physiological benefits, too. 

According to The Family Institute at Northwestern University, physical touch decreases cortisol levels, leading to less stress, a lower heart rate, and regulated blood pressure. 

In addition, the research found that regular touch also decreases physical symptoms, such as headaches, skin irritations, muscle aches, insomnia, upset stomach, and more. 

As a cherry on top, frequent and repeated physical touch leads to increased oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that promotes overall well-being. 

With so many physiological benefits, it’s important to understand how to touch your spouse in non-sexual ways that are meaningful to them. 

Your touch is a gift of connection and healing. 

So, which kinds of touch make a difference in your marriage? Check out what couples in the ONE Family shared below: 

  • Back rubs, back tickles, and back scratches
  • Holding hands with our fingers interlocked
  • Spooning
  • Running fingers through my hair 
  • Fingertip touches
  • Resting a hand on my leg while driving
  • Massaging my feet, head, or full body (especially with evree intimate massage cream
  • Gentle touches on my face
  • A hand on my neck, lower back, arm, or shoulder
  • Butt slaps
  • Kisses on the forehead or neck
  • Hugs (and surprise hugs from behind!)

Read that list with your spouse. 

Which of those things makes you feel connected? What other actions would be meaningful to you both? 

As you take inventory of the touches in your physical intimacy toolbox, think about when you can use them throughout the day. From sunrise to sunset (and even while you sleep), how will you touch each other to feel closer and connected? 

You get to create your own physical intimacy formula. 

First, don’t assume you know the answer to the questions above. Preferences change. Circumstances change. Don’t assume everything is the same as it was before kids, health challenges, or menopause. 

Ask the question: How can I touch you in a way that matters to you?

Be specific and get clarification:  

  • Are there certain times when this is more meaningful or when you are more likely to want this kind of touch?
  • Are there times when you don’t?
  • How will you communicate to me if that changes?
  • What can we both do to prioritize physical intimacy in our marriage?

Then, look for opportunities to take intentional action. Break your bad habits—like sitting on opposite ends of the couch or spending time in different rooms—and create new ones. 

If needed, change your environment to promote physical intimacy. Get a smaller bed, sit next to each other at restaurants, and hold hands on your walks. 

Choosing to touch your spouse in a way that matters to them means that you truly see them and acknowledge their needs. It’s a simple way of saying, “I love you, and you are important to me. It’s the intersection of physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. 

Instead of thinking of all the reasons why you can’t get connected, make physical intimacy a priority

Your non-sexual touch leads to healing, less stress, and more connection. So start touching each other in ways that matter.

Resources

The Often-Overlooked Importance of Physical Intimacy

Connect Like You Did When You First Met: 101 Proven Questions for Couples

Evree Intimate Massage Cream

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.

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