816: CHOOSE TO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE
“Choose to love each other, even in the moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.” —Anonymous
What does it mean to choose to love your spouse even when you might not like them very much?
Every marriage experiences stages and seasons when it’s hard to love.
Maybe you’ve encountered financial strains, health complications, pornography addiction, extended family drama, infidelity, or any other number of challenges.
In those moments, the lovey-dovey butterfly feelings are nowhere to be found. You might even be wondering why you should stay in your marriage.
That’s when you have to make a choice to love your spouse.
Undoubtedly, you’ve seen romantic comedies or television shows where a couple easily falls in love. Sure, there’s a little tiff here or slight miscommunication there. But by the time the credits roll, the couple is experiencing their happily ever after.
It looks all so easy.
But in the real world, choosing to love takes effort. It takes energy.
The ONE Family shared some of the moments when they had to make that choice to love their spouse:
- During heated arguments.
- After a pornography confession.
- During the hard years when the children are little.
- When a spouse loses their job and goes through depression.
- After finding out about infidelity that had been happening for years.
None of these are easy situations. They don’t have quick fixes like in the movies. In fact, the seasons of choosing to love your spouse will probably last longer than you wish they would.
But that doesn’t mean you wait around for the situation or your feelings to magically change. You need to step up and choose to love your spouse when you don’t feel like it.
Here’s what that might practically look like for you:
- Get emotionally healthy on your own.
- Go on dates.
- Say “I love you” even if you don’t feel it.
- Touch your spouse in ways that are meaningful to them.
- Speak with a marriage coach or counselor.
- Begin to serve one another.
- Attend a marriage event like The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Weekend.
- Build accountability with others.
- Ask questions even when it feels like you have nothing to talk about.
- Connect with a mentor couple.
Pick one of these things—or come up with an idea of your own—and start doing it today without expecting your spouse to return the action.
Clawing your marriage back from roommate syndrome, disconnection, or even hatred won’t be easy. But you can start to take action to rekindle closeness and connection in all of your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.
Even in difficult times, you can cultivate love in your marriage. Discover your own love recipe and put in the work to create the extraordinary marriage you desire.
Resources
The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Weekend
Connect with Us
Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, we will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, we only recommend products or services we use personally and believe will add value to our readers. We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Medical Disclaimer: The content of this article & website is provided for general informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute for, professional medical advice. Do not use the information on this website for diagnosing or treating any medical or health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider.