823: WHO IS INITIATING FOREPLAY
“The easiest thing to do is to react. The second easiest thing is to respond. The hardest thing to do is to initiate.” —Seth Godin
When was the last time the two of you discussed foreplay—specifically, who is initiating foreplay?
For 76% of couples in the ONE Family, the husband initiates foreplay more often. But there’s so much more to this conversation than a simple statistic.
The dynamics of your sexual intimacy, especially initiation and foreplay, are always changing. Life happens—and how you approach foreplay as newlyweds likely won’t work the same forever.
That’s why talking about the logistics of initiating foreplay and its importance to your marriage needs to be an ongoing conversation.
Because here’s what happens if you aren’t having this conversation: cracks can develop in your Sexual Intimacy Pillar. As a result, you might experience more tension, conflict, or frustration in this pillar.
But when you ask questions about this topic regularly, you can help ensure that you both feel satisfied and enjoy your time together.
Ultimately, foreplay matters. It’s the stimulation that (usually!) happens before the main event. And each of you has expectations and desires around this area of sexual intimacy.
Here’s the thing: it’s easy to fall into patterns with foreplay.
You might start something fun and exciting, but after a while, it feels routine. As life happens, the rhythms that once worked well might become lackluster.
That’s when you need to have this conversation.
Because even though 76% of you said the husband typically initiates foreplay, how you feel about this dynamic also matters.
For some couples, this dynamic works.
But for others of you, this dynamic creates a variety of feelings in your marriage. You might think things like:
- I wish my spouse initiated more.
- I wish it was more 50/50.
- They don’t initiate, so I don’t feel desired.
- Initiating all the time makes me feel resentful and annoyed.
- I wish I had more courage to initiate foreplay.
- It’s the same song and dance every time.
When the dynamic isn’t working, you need to talk about what could be a possible change. Don’t just talk about the problem; look for solutions.
Remember, it doesn’t have to be a perfect solution. In fact, it doesn’t have to be an answer that will work for the rest of your life. This is something you may need to address multiple times throughout your marriage. With that in mind, you can avoid getting frustrated when this comes back up.
Ask questions like:
- How much time do you want to spend on foreplay?
- What hints do you give to tell me you are initiating?
- What changes have occurred in our bodies that might change our dynamic?
- Are there new positions, toys, or sexy games you want to try to shake things up?
- Do you need to build confidence or get feedback so you can initiate more often?
Have these conversations in a neutral location outside of your bedroom. As you lean into your emotional intimacy, you’ll be able to strengthen all areas of your marriage.
You deserve a relationship with vibrant sexual intimacy, and it is possible! If your dynamic isn’t working right now, have the conversation to make a change so you can experience the extraordinary marriage you desire.
Resources
Top 10 Ways to Initiate Sex Marriage Guide
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