824: THE GREAT TOILET DEBATE
“But don’t ever let yourself forget that the person you care about fills an emptiness no one else ever has and that while life with them can seriously suck at times, those moments when it doesn’t are worth all the aggravation of falling into the toilet and getting soaked when you’re half asleep.” —Sherrilyn Kenyon
Yes, you need to talk with your spouse about the toilet seat. Really, you need to discuss anything in your bathroom that’s causing tension: the toilet seat, crowded counters, opposite schedules, and so on.
“It’s not a big deal,” you might be thinking. Maybe you’re right.
But you’d be surprised how often something as small as a bathroom routine becomes a huge problem for couples.
Marriages can crumble from little cracks that are left undiscussed. Don’t allow little annoyances to fester and grow until you become entirely disconnected from your spouse.
Save yourself the heartache and hassle of trying to salvage your marriage. Instead, have the conversations that seem silly or unnecessary—because you never know how important these little conversations can be.
That’s why we’re discussing the toilet seat—and why the two of you should, too.
Recently, we began renting a home in Florida with a very unique primary bathroom. (Here’s a quick video with our new bathroom layout!)
On the one hand, it’s nice that there are two separate spaces where we can get ready. However, some parts of the layout feel strange or awkward. There’s not much privacy, yet there is a long distance between one side of the bathroom and the other.
One of the main benefits of this layout is that there are two toilets. So Alisa never has to worry about falling into the toilet in the middle of the night if Tony keeps the toilet seat up.
The situation may seem comical, but it’s more serious than you might think. Something as inconsequential as the toilet seat can create a lot of tension in a relationship.
Among the ONE Family, 66% of you said that you have fallen into the toilet before because the seat was left up. And 43% of you said you like the idea of a double toilet.
Of course, the great toilet seat debate isn’t something that you might have ever discussed with your spouse.
However, the idea of having separate spaces is becoming more and more common among married couples.
This happens for a variety of reasons.
Empty nesters often have space to move into separate bathrooms once kids leave the home.
Some couples work different schedules. In that case, using different bathrooms helps minimize noise and light that could wake their other spouse.
Or you might just want space to spread out your things on the countertops without getting in each other’s way.
The toilet seat debate is another big reason couples might use different bathrooms. You might disagree about whether the seat should be left up or put down, so it’s easier to use separate toilets.
There’s nothing wrong with using separate bathrooms, but it needs to be an intentional conversation. What’s your reasoning behind it? Are there lingering tensions you haven’t addressed?
Too many couples use fake excuses to disguise lingering resentment or disconnection. Do you really need to use separate bathrooms? Or is this just another way the two of you disconnect in this season of life?
On the other hand, if you’re experiencing tension in the bathroom, what would make the shared space work better for the two of you?
We know: These sound like silly questions to ask. But your daily rhythms help create moments of connection. When you change those rhythms—moving to different bathrooms, not showering together anymore, not sleeping in the same bed—you can introduce new cracks into your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®.
All too often, couples treat these little things like they’re no big deal, even if you can feel the rift happening.
But you know that this isn’t something worth losing your marriage over. So, talk today about what works in your bathroom and what doesn’t.
Don’t let a toilet seat cause conflict between the two of you. Address the little things so you can experience the extraordinary marriage you desire.
Resources
WATCH: Our New Bathroom with Two Toilets
Apply for Marriage Coaching with Alisa
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