834: PHYSICAL INTIMACY WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY

“In the absence of touching and being touched, people of all ages can be sickened and grow touch starved.” —Dianne Ackerman

Between all the parties, concerts, baking, recitals, caroling, movies, and more… are you making time to connect with your spouse? 

This time of year, there is so much to do. But if you’re not careful, cracks can form in the pillars you’re ignoring. For many couples, physical intimacy—your non-sexual touch—takes a hit during the holidays. 

Think about it: you’re running here, there, and everywhere. You’re helping the kids get dressed. You’re hugging family and friends. It’s easy to feel “touched out” from spending your touch energy on everyone else. But what about your spouse? 

Sure, you might hold hands because that’s what married couples do. Maybe you kiss right before bed or place a hand on their thigh at the Christmas play. 

However, there’s a vast difference between just checking the box of physical intimacy and actually connecting. 

Here’s why this is so dangerous: 

There is often a slow shift away from physical intimacy during busy seasons, whether it’s the holidays or otherwise. If your loving, non-sexual touch came to a screeching halt, you’d probably do something about it! 

Instead, it’s easy to think this isn’t a big deal.  

However, disconnection in any of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® for an extended period of time will cause cracks to form. And when it comes to restoring intimacy, it’s far easier to be proactive than reactive. 

Plus, there is a long list of benefits to the loving, non-sexual touches you share with your spouse: 

• Better sleep
• Higher relationship satisfaction
• Improved immune system
• Reduced stress
• Lower blood pressure
• And lots more! 

Now, you’re not alone if you feel like prioritizing physical intimacy is challenging during busy times like the holidays. Nearly two-thirds (64%) of the ONE Family feel this way. 

Even if things are rocky in your marriage, there are small things you can try to slowly restore intimacy in this pillar. 

The ONE Family suggests meaningful touches like… 

• Holding hands
• Hugging from behind
• Sitting close together, especially at holiday meals or while opening presents 
• Back, shoulder, or foot rubs
• Butt smacks
• Light touches while driving 
• Cuddling on the couch (or cuddling naked!)

Think about what touches mean the most to you. Then, write a few down and share them with your spouse.

Your spouse can’t read your mind, so it’s important to express your desires and expectations clearly—especially when there’s a lot going on during the holidays. 

But don’t use the holidays as an excuse. Physical intimacy doesn’t cost a thing and can be performed practically anytime, anywhere. Prioritize it even when your calendar is packed. Accept it even if you feel a little “touched out.” And be intentional about giving and receiving touch. 

Even if you’re not touchy-feely, physical intimacy is a vital component of a strong and healthy marriage. 

So try flexing your physical intimacy muscle over the next few weeks. Things can radically change in a marriage simply with a determination to take action in one area. 

Besides, the holiday season will be over before you know it. Touch is a beautiful way to communicate love and connection. Don’t let the busyness of the holidays take that away from you.

Resources

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Quiz

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