840: NEW YEAR, NEW FOCUS

“We all get the same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them.” —Hillary Depiano

The future of your marriage is yours to create. As long as you’re breathing, there’s work to be done. 

And yet, when you think about the future, you might see more problems than positives. You might not know how to get your marriage back on track. 

Whether it’s the start of a new year, a new season, or even a new day, you can choose a new focus and work together to create an extraordinary marriage. 

If you’re ready to find a new focus for the new year, here are a few basic steps to get you started:

First, use The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® to assess your marriage. Where have you been strong? Where do you have cracks? 

Then, set a goal. Where do you want to be in 30 days, 60 days, or 90 days? Imagine what you want to accomplish by the end of the year. 

If you need ideas for a new focus, borrow some of these goals from the ONE Family: 

• Spending quality time together
• Planning more date nights and short trips 
• Enjoying life more
• Working through past trauma to strengthen our bond
• Restoring our sexless marriage
• Keep our focus on each other and God as we grow our family 
• Communicating better
• Intentionally working on each pillar
• Focusing on our financial intimacy
• Staying together

Next, work backward from your goal to identify the baby steps that will help you get there. Small steps build up to create big changes. But it’s about more than just words; you have to take action to get where you want to go. 

For example, let’s say you want to communicate better. Here’s how this might look practically in your marriage: 

• Pillar of Focus: Emotional Intimacy
• Goal: Feel more connected in 30 days 
• Baby Steps: Spend one night a week without devices; branch out from typical topics to have deeper discussions.  

In the same way, let’s say you want to have a new focus on your physical and sexual pillars. 

• Pillar(s) of Focus: Physical Intimacy, Sexual Intimacy
• Goal: Feel like these pillars are strong and thriving
• Baby Steps: Intentionally touch one another daily, especially when leaving for work or coming home; make a plan to implement the Intimacy Lifestyle.

During these conversations, continue to ask these two questions: “What can I do?” and “What can we do?” 

Remember, you’re a team. Work together to face the issues head-on instead of attacking your spouse for what you think they could be doing better. If you need accountability, consider working with a marriage coach.

The start of a new year is the perfect time to focus on a new area of your marriage. On the other hand, maybe you need to revisit a former focus that’s fallen by the wayside. 

Ultimately, every transformation starts with a single step, followed by another. If you get intentional and take action, your marriage could look entirely different in 365 days.

Resources

The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® Monthly Planner

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.