848: Little Actions, Big Changes

“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together. And great things are not accidental, but must certainly be willed.” —Vincent Van Gogh

When it feels like your marriage is stuck or sinking, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the changes you want to make. But instead of making progress, you end up feeling miserable and frustrated because you’re trying to do too much at once. 

Ultimately, overwhelm sets you up for failure. The best way to make real, lasting progress is to take consistent, little actions. 

So once you’re aware that things need to change, take a breath and ask this question: “What is the one pillar of intimacy that we can start with?”

In The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage, we talk about baby steps—little actions you can take to begin strengthening a pillar. 

Interestingly, when we asked the ONE Family what baby step they are taking this month, we got responses for all six pillars. 

It goes to show that every couple is focusing on unique aspects of their marriage, and there isn’t one specific first step for everyone. What matters is that you take action. 

So this week, your challenge is to pick one little change you can do consistently. 

To help get your wheels turning, here are some ideas for each of The 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. 

Emotional Intimacy: 

• When your spouse shares something that’s bothering them, rather than jumping to solutions, try this small shift: “Tell me more about that.”
• Pay attention to not interrupt or talk over your spouse. 
• Fill a mason jar with little notes about the reason you love your spouse that they can read daily.

Physical Intimacy:

• Bring back the 6-second kiss.
• Sit next to each other on the couch.

Financial Intimacy:

• Have a 15-minute “money meeting” each week.
• Share your money wins, such as scoring a great deal, saving money, or finalizing estate documents.

Spiritual Intimacy:

• Start your day with a 60-second prayer together.
• Pray for your spouse (not just about them).

Recreational Intimacy:

• Start a “date jar” with activities you’d each enjoy doing together.
• Watch a movie together late at night after the kids are in bed.

Sexual Intimacy:

• Initiate sex more often.
• Start a “desire journal” where you each write down one thing that made you feel desired this week.
• Play a color game or sexy board game to shake things up.

Remember, there are no small actions, just actions you don’t take. So, whatever you decide to do, commit to doing it consistently.

It’s those little, consistent actions that create the extraordinary marriage you’re working toward.

Resources

Intimacy Mastery

Connect with Us

Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.