851: Hot Flashes, Hormones and Your Husband

“My belief is that it’s a privilege to get older. Not everybody gets to get older.” —Cameron Diaz

A woman can start experiencing perimenopause symptoms as early as age 35. And the symptoms can last until the late 50s-60s.

That’s upwards of 30 years that may be filled with hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, vaginal dryness, loss of identity, and more. 

It leaves the wife wondering, “What is happening to me?” 

And it leaves the husband wondering, “Where did my wife go?” 

With all these symptoms and hormone fluctuations, it’s not surprising that disconnection can more easily happen, especially if you’re not on the lookout for it. 

Hot flashes, hormones, and all the perimenopause symptoms can take their toll on a relationship. 

In fact, 38% of you say that hot flashes and night sweats—two of the most common perimenopause symptoms—have impacted your marriage. 

How? Well, some couples no longer share a bed because of the temperature differences. There might be less naked cuddling because the wife gets too hot. 

Insomnia can lead to irritability and increased conflict. Weight gain may impact self-confidence or sexual intimacy. Low libido is another challenging symptom. Emotional roller coasters can push you apart. 

Menopause doesn’t just impact her—it affects both of you. And your marriage. 

Wherever you are on this journey, there are some intentional steps you need to take to keep your relationship strong. 

For Her

• Track your symptoms: Document what’s happening in your body and share your findings with your husband so he can support you. 
• Create comfort measures: Invest in cooling products that work for you to help you manage hot flashes and night sweats.
• Build your support network: Don’t go through menopause alone. Join a community like Menopause Shouldn’t Suck to get educated on the physical, emotional, and relational aspects of this major life transition.

For Him

• Educate yourself: Learn what’s happening beyond the hot flashes, and remember, when she snaps, it’s typically the hormones talking.
• Listen without fixing: You want to help her feel better, but often, being open and curious to hear her challenges is exactly what she needs.
• Adapt your expectations: As hot flashes and night sweats ramp up, be flexible. When she says she’s too hot for cuddling, it’s not rejection. Be curious and creative about other ways to strengthen your Physical Intimacy Pillar. 

Together, it’s important to flex your emotional intimacy and have open, honest conversations about what’s happening for both the husband and wife (and, ultimately, the marriage). 

This is also a season where you may need to reimagine or redefine your 6 Pillars of Intimacy®. Sexual intimacy might look different as the wife experiences fluctuating hormones. Night sweats and hot flashes might shift how you connect physically through hugs or cuddling. 

Discover what works now. Recognize that change is a part of marriage. Learning who you are now is a gift you give one another. 

Menopause isn’t just a woman’s journey—it’s a marriage journey.

Please note that we are not medical professionals. This episode is not intended to diagnose, treat, or in any other way give medical advice. Consult a medical professional with questions or concerns you may have.

Resources

Menopause Shouldn’t Suck

849: Pornography Kills Intimacy

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