868: Hard Reset

“Reset, readjust, restart, refocus…as many times as you need to.” —Anonymous

50% of couples in the ONE Family can’t remember the last time they intentionally prioritized their marriage for a concentrated period of time.

If you’re struggling to recall the last time you felt close and connected, your marriage might need a hard reset.

This concept came from a recent coaching couple who committed to a 14-day reset focused on their recreational intimacy. For two weeks, they were intentional about going on dates, playing games, and simply having fun together.

A reset doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It’s about breaking out of the rut, building momentum, and recapturing the intentionality you had when your relationship began.

Many couples feel stuck in a loop. They know they need to spend quality time together, but life always seems to get in the way. So they keep waiting for a perfect moment that never comes.

That waiting leads to a slow drift. For example, one missed date here and avoiding a deep conversation there. Or even postponing sex because something came up.

Eventually, you forget what real connection feels like.

The beauty of a hard reset is that it interrupts this pattern.

So if you’re ready to do a hard reset, try these 7 simple steps:

Step 1: Choose Your Starting Pillar

First, take an honest look at your marriage. Which pillar needs the most attention? Or start with your strongest pillar to build confidence. The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® include emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual intimacy.

Step 2: Decide Your Timeframe

Next, choose a timeframe that feels achievable. (Small wins build momentum fast!) For example:

• 7 days for a quick, intensive boost
• 14 days for deeper transformation
• 30 days if you really want to establish new patterns

Step 3: Take Turns Planning

Alternate who plans each day to keep both of you engaged.

Step 4: Establish Your Rules

Start small and decide how you’ll celebrate wins.

Step 5: Define Success for Each Pillar

What does success look like? For instance: a daily budget check-in, a kiss at the front door, or a few minutes of prayer. Define what connection means in your chosen pillar.

Step 6: Use Your Calendar

Block off time intentionally. Treat this like any other priority and protect it.

Step 7: Prepare for Obstacles

Life will try to interrupt your reset. Kids get sick, work piles up, and so on. If something derails your challenge, don’t quit! Just pause, adjust the timeline, or restart when you’re able.

After you complete one pillar, choose your next. Some couples rotate through all six during the year while others focus on two or three key areas.

The goal is intentionality, not perfection. At the end of the day, it’s about choosing each other on purpose, consistently, and watching what happens when you put your marriage first.

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Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.