874: Slow Down to Speed Up Your Sexual Satisfaction
“Slow sex is not about going slower; it’s about being present.” —Diana Richardson
Within the ONE Family, nearly half of you (48%) feel more pressure to perform than to connect during sexual intimacy.
We live in a fast-paced world. It’s only natural that the goal-oriented, achievement-focused mindset from your work and daily life would spill over into your marriage.
Maybe you rush through conversations, give quick pecks on the lips, or feel too busy for date night.
But what happens when this go-go-go lifestyle impacts your sex life?
An emerging sexual intimacy trend called “Tenerezza” (derived from the Italian word for “tenderness”) focuses on slow, mindful touch rather than rushing to an orgasm.
The “race to the finish line” approach might describe your sex life right now, but your early days of marriage were probably filled with long make-out sessions where you weren’t rushing toward anything. Back then, you were just enjoying being close and exploring each other.
That mindful presence can transform your entire sexual intimacy experience.
Best of all, sexual mindfulness is linked with “greater sexual well-being in couples” and an increase in self-esteem, relationship satisfaction, and sex life satisfaction.
When you focus more on the destination (orgasm) than the journey (connection), it can impact your marriage in several ways:
- Both of you start feeling pressure to “perform” rather than simply connect.
- You start focusing on what you’re doing instead of how you’re feeling.
- Scheduling sex becomes stressful.
- You lose sight of the emotional and spiritual connection of sex.
When it’s all about performance you create a cycle where sexual intimacy starts feeling like work instead of connection, which leads to less frequency, which creates more pressure when you do come together, which makes the experience even more performance-focused.
But when it’s about connection, there’s more room to explore and learn what works.
Here are three major changes you might need to make to shift from orgasm-focused sex to connection-focused sex:
First, get in the mindset that sexual intimacy isn’t a preformation. Success is measured by closeness and connection, not by the outcome.
Second, practice being present. Pay attention to the touches, your spouse’s breathing, the physical sensations, and the emotional connection happening between you.
Third, slow everything down. Start with more romance, longer foreplay, and slower intercourse. Use different rhythms and types of touch, talk to each other during intimate moments, and take breaks to just hold each other.
Ultimately, the goal is to create sexual intimacy that draws you closer together as husband and wife, not sexual intimacy that creates pressure and performance anxiety.
→ Tune in now to hear several practical action steps you can try this week to put this into practice.
Resources
388: Should An Orgasm Be The Ultimate Goal
863: Not Mentally Present During Sex
736: Edging for Increased Sexual Arousal
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