876: What Kind of Lover Am I?
“Honesty is the highest form of intimacy.” —Anonymous
Describe yourself as a lover. For many in the ONE Family, words like awesome, enthusiastic, or all-in come to mind. For others, they might think of themselves as unskilled or naive.
Most of us have never asked ourselves this question. And while it can feel uncomfortable, it’s one every married couple should consider if they want extraordinary sexual intimacy.
This isn’t about perfection or feeling bad. It’s about noticing where you can grow.
So start by asking yourself: Would you want to be intimate with a lover like you?
Look at it from both angles: giver and receiver. For example, are you a passive participant? Is the focus only on your own pleasure? Do you give verbal feedback?
Asking questions like these reduces the struggle and disconnection many couples face when sexual intimacy goes unexamined. Plus, it helps you stay self-aware when your spouse brings up their needs without getting defensive.
Sexual intimacy changes with the seasons of life: becoming new parents, experiencing perimenopause or andropause, health challenges, and more. You aren’t expected to be a perfect lover, but many couples have never honestly evaluated how they show up in the bedroom.
Ask yourself:
- Am I generous or selfish in our intimate moments?
- Am I present or distracted?
- Do I prioritize my spouse’s pleasure or just my own?
- Do I bring enthusiasm or obligation?
If you notice areas to improve, try something new. For example, clear away distractions, engage fully in the moment, or focus on your spouse’s enjoyment. How you show up during sex determines whether the encounter builds closeness and connection.
So again: What kind of lover are you? Would you want to be intimate with someone exactly like you?
If your answer gives you pause, that’s okay. Now you know there’s an opportunity for growth.
Resources
The 6 Pillars at Sea Marriage Getaway
Apply for Coaching With Alisa
Connect with Us
Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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