877: Get Stripped Down
“A book is a dream you hold in your hands.” —Neil Gaiman
Fifteen years ago this week, we released our very first book, Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Your Marriage.
Looking back, that little book was the beginning of everything. Since then, we’ve seen marriages transformed, learned more about the true definition of intimacy, and created The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® framework.
And we know many couples in the ONE Family can pinpoint specific books that transformed their relationship—because we asked!
While there were a variety of answers about which book made a difference, every person who responded could articulate exactly how that book impacted their marriage.
- One person said a book “taught me what unconditional love is.”
- Another shared it “helped us have a different view of sex.”
- Someone else said it made them “better aware of the needs of myself and my spouse.”
One shared that the Bible helped them “truly understand God’s design for marriage,” and another said The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® “helped me realize the importance of intentionality.”
Ultimately, books sitting on a shelf do nothing to strengthen your marriage. You have to pick them up, read them, and implement the insights.
The right book at the right time becomes a catalyst. It gives you language for feelings you couldn’t express. It provides tools for problems you didn’t know how to solve and offers hope when you thought your situation was hopeless.
But what if your spouse isn’t interested in the book you want to read? What if you prefer different authors, different formats (audiobook, ebook), or read at different times of the day?
First of all, if your spouse is not interested in a book you want to read, know that you can still learn and implement the content into your marriage.
But the marriages that experience the greatest transformation are those where both spouses engage with the material together. They discuss what they’re learning, try the exercises, and hold each other accountable to the changes they want to make.
So, if you want to get started, here are a few approaches to consider:
- Choose Your Book Together: Talk about what area of your marriage needs the most attention right now and choose a book that addresses your shared priority.
- Read and Meet Weekly: Read one chapter per week, then schedule a 30-minute conversation to discuss what you learned.
- Take Notes on What Resonates: Keep a notebook or use your phone to jot down the insights that hit home. These become your discussion points or action items.
- Focus on Application, Not Perfection: Not everything you read will fit your situation perfectly, and that’s okay. Take what works and adapt it to your marriage.
- Revisit and Refresh: As your marriage grows and changes, revisiting books that once helped you can provide fresh insights for current challenges.
You and your spouse will glean different insights. For example, your approach could be as simple as, “Check out this paragraph,” or, “This really resonated with me.” The focus should be teamwork, not one spouse assigning homework.
The right book for your marriage can create lasting transformation in your relationship. But it’s not enough for it to just sit on your nightstand. You need to discuss, apply, experiment, and give each other grace as you grow.
So what book is going to be the next one that changes your marriage? Pick one together this week and start your journey from information to transformation.
Resources
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Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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