883: I Don’t Know What to Do to Fix My Marriage
“Most couples don’t fail because they don’t care; they fail because they were never taught how to succeed.” —Anonymous
You love your spouse. But for some reason, things just aren’t working the way you hoped they would. And you keep asking yourself, “Why can’t I seem to fix my marriage?”
The truth is you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just missing the skills no one ever taught you.
Growing up, you learned algebra, grammar, and how to change a tire.
But did anyone ever teach you how to…
- Listen without getting defensive?
- Talk about money or sex without starting a fight?
- Rebuild trust after you’ve hurt your spouse?
- Or make time for each other when you’re drowning in responsibilities?
Probably not.
This gap in skills is what marriage expert Peter McFadden calls “marriage illiteracy.” In essence, you’re not a bad spouse; you’re simply lacking the right tools.
Marriage is a skill that takes practice, patience, and grace. You also need different skills for different seasons: becoming new parents, navigating midlife changes, transitioning into retirement, and so on.
Many couples don’t know how to navigate these seasons, so they either freeze or keep repeating patterns that aren’t working. And that’s when frustration, loneliness, and resentment start creeping in.
When you don’t feel equipped, you start believing your marriage is the problem instead of your approach.
But the great news is that you can close these skill gaps.
Here are 5 steps to build marriage literacy this week:
1. Acknowledge the gap. Just because you were never taught certain skills doesn’t mean you can’t learn them.
2. Find a framework that makes sense. Whether it’s The 6 Pillars of Intimacy® or another resource, find something that helps you identify what’s weak, what’s strong, and where to start.
3. Start with one skill. Instead of trying to fix everything at once, focus on just ONE thing. And don’t give up after a few days.
4. Replace shame with curiosity. For example, talk to couples who do marriage well and learn from them.
5. Celebrate progress. Stop only looking at what needs fixing, and start noticing the good!
This week, sit down with your spouse and talk about one area of your marriage where you’ve said, “I don’t know what to do.” Then, pick one thing and commit to learning something about it together this week.
You don’t have to stay stuck wondering how to fix your marriage. You just have to be willing to learn.
And you might just discover that the answer to “I don’t know what to do to fix my marriage” is actually simpler than you think!
Resources
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Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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