886: Art and Science of Non-Sexual Touch
“Couples who touch each other more tend to be happier. From back-rubs to gentle caresses to hand-holding, the more contact couples have, the more satisfied they tend to be.” —Kinsey Institute
Even the smallest touches create connection, closeness, and safety. And yet, too many couples ignore touch beyond the bedroom.
Let’s explore the science behind why non-sexual touch is crucial in your marriage and the art of discovering what works for both of you.
So why does this matter? Research shows that affectionate, non-sexual touch…
- Releases oxytocin and reduces stress, helping couples feel safe and connected. (Psychology Today, 2024)
- Predicts greater partner responsiveness and increased intimacy the next day. (PMC8801651)
- Is strongly correlated with relationship satisfaction and emotional bonding. (PMC10073073)
- Lowers stress and boosts connection. (ScienceDirect, 2024)
- Predicts higher long-term marital satisfaction. (PMC5016345)
When life gets busy, physical touch is often the first thing to disappear. But countless studies show those small gestures improve your relationship, making you both feel more safe, connected, and intimate.
Not to mention, these micro-moments of physical connection also pave the way for desire and sexual intimacy. While you can have physical intimacy without it leading to sex, sexual intimacy requires touch!
Maybe you’ve said something like…
- “We don’t hug anymore.”
- “Every touch feels like it has strings attached.”
- “It used to be natural, but now it feels awkward.”
When daily touch stops, you see less smiling, more misunderstanding, and eventually less desire. It’s science!
But there’s also the art of what’s important to the two of you. Because it’s not the same for everyone, and it’s likely not even the same for both of you.
So what are those touches that matter? Here are some top responses from the ONE Family:
- Back rubs, back tickles, and back scratches
- Holding hands with fingers interlocked
- Spooning
- Butt slaps
- Kisses on the forehead or neck
- Hugs (and surprise hugs from behind!)
If non-sexual touch has disappeared from your marriage, here are a few steps to try:
- Start small. What’s one simple goal you can set? Try a kissing challenge, a morning hug, or sitting close while watching TV.
- Define what physical intimacy means for you both. What touches make you feel connected? What ones create pressure?
- Create touch rituals. Hold hands in the car, snuggle when you wake up, or kiss as you walk out the door. These small moments build connection.
- Communicate hesitancy. If you feel overstimulated or touched out, say it. Explore what kinds of micro-touches work for you.
- Respond with appreciation. Verbalize what you like: “That felt really nice” or “Thank you for that hug.”
- Check in. After becoming more intentional with touch, talk about what makes the most impact. These conversations also build emotional intimacy.
Physical intimacy isn’t something you have to perfect. Get intentional and make adjustments for what works in your current season.
Resources
Connect with Us
Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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