897: Connection Is a Skill
“Great marriages aren’t discovered. They’re built.” —Anonymous
99% of you said that “doing marriage well” is a skill you can learn. It’s not just something you have or you don’t.
And yet, many couples still quietly believe that connection should come naturally.
Then, when connection feels hard, the default belief is, “We’re bad at this.” But the truth is, you just need some new skills.
Here are some of the skills folks in the ONE Family want to learn:
- Better communication and connection
- Being present (putting the phone down)
- Not interrupting
- Communicating emotions without exploding
- Not feeling attacked when your spouse brings up a problem
Different seasons of marriage require different skills, and as you learn them, they compound.
Another fallacy: thinking you can learn skills in one area of your marriage but not another. For example, you might be able to talk deeply and have fun together. But when it comes to talking about sex honestly, you think you’re stuck. You’re not!
Being vulnerable, navigating conflict, discussing desires—these are all skills you can learn.
The education is available. But are you willing to take action? All the knowledge in the world won’t make a difference if you don’t apply it.
Here are a few action steps to start building the skill of connection:
1. Get specific about one thing you want to improve and share it with your spouse.
It’s going to take time and practice to improve. But keep this in mind: a baseball player with a .300 batting average is considered good. You can miss 7 out of 10 hits and still be making progress.
2. Practice being present on purpose. It’s so easy for your attention to get fragmented between your phone, kids, and other responsibilities. But sometimes all your spouse wants is your time. And 10-15 minutes a day can be monumental.
3. Slow down your communication. Real connection takes time. You won’t get a dopamine hit as fast as you do when scrolling on social media, but the results are so much greater.
4. Focus on progress over perfection. Connection isn’t something you “have” or “don’t have.” It’s a skill you strengthen over time, and that requires putting in the reps, failing sometimes, and still showing up.
Marriage is a lifelong journey of building something extraordinary. And connection is one of those skills worth developing.
Resources
The 6 Pillars of Intimacy Book + Workbook Bundle
19 Questions to Amazing Sex Marriage Guide
Connect with Us
Join the ONE Family private Facebook group to share your story and connect with other couples who are creating extraordinary marriages. To reach us on the Hug Hotline, call or text 858-876-5663 or email hugs@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
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